I often find myself realizing that my expectations for my neurotypical son are perhaps too high. It’s a feeling that manifests in countless ways, both big and small, every single day. He consistently rises to the occasion, adapting to what we need him to be, often sacrificing his own needs in the process. I see the gentle sadness in his bright blue eyes, a reflection of the challenges he faces that I can’t always shield him from.
My expectations for my typical son began long before his brother received a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder. Our oldest son has always required significant attention from us—time, energy, focus, and endless redirection. He demands our patience, so much so that we often find ourselves taking deep breaths and digging deep for more. It’s a daily effort to meet his needs, and we do so because we love him dearly.
Yet, in the flurry of meeting our son with autism’s requirements, we sometimes neglect the needs of our typical son. He deserves love and support, guidance, joy, and a sense of safety. The environment he’s growing up in isn’t always peaceful. He witnesses his brother throwing objects, slamming doors, and expressing frustration through screams of sadness or anger. He sees us picking up the pieces—literally and metaphorically—while we try to maintain our strength.
In those chaotic moments, I turn to my youngest son, holding him close and attempting to explain things that are often beyond my own understanding. I talk to him about his brother’s uniqueness, emphasizing the importance of love and acceptance. I remind him daily that his big brother loves him unconditionally. It is essential to remember this amidst the noise and chaos; love is at the heart of our family dynamic.
I reassure my youngest son that everything will be okay, and I remind myself of this truth too. I know the day will come when I will sit down with him to discuss his brother’s special qualities and the reality of autism in our lives. We will have open conversations, addressing the questions he will undoubtedly have about why his brother has certain preferences, like always choosing the green plate or needing specific accommodations during playtime.
Despite the challenges, my youngest son continues to amaze me with his strength and heart. He loves his brother fiercely, embracing him even after moments of frustration. Yes, I ask a lot from him, but he gives willingly to our family—his love is pure and unyielding.
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In conclusion, while I recognize the demands placed on my typical son, I also see the incredible love that fuels his actions. It’s a delicate balance that we navigate, but one filled with hope and understanding.
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