Feb. 6, 2023
Strong women—may we know them, may we embody them, and may we nurture them.
I consider myself a strong woman, shaped by the influence of an equally formidable mother, and I aspire to raise a strong daughter one day. However, my current focus is on raising two boys. The world is poised to mold them into the kind of men they will ultimately become, and the patriarchy stands ready to influence them. It’s my mission to guide them towards dismantling it.
When I first met their father, he had recently left a small, conservative town for San Francisco. I was immersed in my psychology studies, specifically delving into women’s studies and sexual diversity. By our third date, we had engaged in discussions about white and male privilege, LGBTQ rights, and affirmative action—progressive topics that were new to him. Yet, he was open and attentive, intrigued by my perspectives—perhaps influenced by the Ani DiFranco tracks I played during our drives, complete with a “Girls Kick Ass” sticker on my bumper. Our shared values aligned, and nearly two decades later, we find ourselves raising two sons together.
After years of engaging in dialogues around equality and progress, that same man who was once unaware of race relations or feminism has now sent me to Washington, D.C. to advocate for civil liberties. He appreciates my role in our family, calling me “amazing,” and has taken time off work to care for our boys without hesitation. He’s not just a babysitter; he’s a committed parent and my partner, supporting our collective values—values that transcend both of us.
The Women’s March originated from alarm over rampant misogyny, particularly in the Oval Office, but it quickly evolved into a broader movement addressing civil rights and climate change. A central theme was reproductive rights and the fight against the objectification and regulation of our bodies. I marched passionately for all of these causes, energized by the sea of pink Pussyhats and the powerful messages on protest signs, such as:
- Women’s Rights Are Equal Rights
- Feminism Is the Radical Notion That Women Are People
- My Body, My Choice, My Country, My Voice
Yet, my motivation wasn’t solely rooted in my own identity as a woman. The two boys, along with their father, who is steadfast in our shared mission, inspired me to march on. I was galvanized by the strength of women and our collective call for equality, but I also thought of my sons.
I have never felt a lack in not having a daughter; instead, I feel the immense responsibility to raise boys who will challenge the patriarchy. More than ever, we need men who will stand against injustice, even when their privileges shield them from its effects.
I am committed to raising my boys to be better than the politicians who dismissed the women’s marchers as merely angry or unqualified. I want them to challenge harmful “locker room talk” rather than acquiesce to it. They must recognize that women occupy vital roles as doctors, teachers, friends, and leaders, deserving of equal respect.
I strive to instill in my boys the understanding that our nation thrives on diversity and equal opportunity rather than in spite of it. They must grasp that privilege does not exempt one from awareness of others’ struggles. I am teaching them to leverage their male privilege to advocate for what’s right, not just what’s convenient, so that one day, as they step into roles within the patriarchal structure, they can work to dismantle it from within.
Recently, I spoke with my oldest son’s principal, who mentioned he expressed pride in my activism. That evening, as I tucked him in, he called me brave. While our children will inevitably witness misogyny, racism, and inequality, they also see us resist. They witnessed millions of individuals worldwide march for women’s rights and equal opportunity. They observe leaders across various sectors who have the moral courage to confront injustice.
The future is vigilant, and our actions carry weight. I hope that by the next election, my ballot will feature a woman’s name, though I harbor doubts. My country opted for a man of dubious character and temperament over a woman who was undeniably more qualified.
Sadly, it seems our country isn’t quite ready to dismantle the patriarchy. Until that day arrives, I will continue to raise my boys with the belief that strong women should be recognized, valued, and supported. Together, we will march alongside them and strive to dismantle the patriarchy.
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Summary:
This article discusses the journey of raising two boys with the aim of instilling values that challenge the patriarchy. The author reflects on her own upbringing and the influence of her partner, who has evolved in his understanding of gender equality. The piece emphasizes the importance of teaching boys about privilege and the need to advocate for justice, ensuring they grow into compassionate men who work against injustice.