It all unraveled during swimming lessons. After scrambling four children to the community center on a Monday at 4:30 p.m., I spent half an hour managing a curious 1-year-old who wanted to explore everything, and a spirited 2 1/2-year-old who took off the moment my attention wavered. Just what you want to deal with at a pool.
Following the lesson, we were crammed into a cramped changing room where I urged my 5-year-old twins to change quicker than they were. By the time we reached the car, I was frazzled, the babies were worn out, and the older kids were grumpy from my relentless nagging since they stepped into the house after school. I had reached my limit. There was no way we could continue living like this.
That year, my partner and I became foster parents, adding two more little ones to our family and a calendar bursting with activities that were suddenly more difficult to juggle. From swimming lessons to tee-ball—where I carried a 7-month-old in a carrier while trying to prevent grass munching—our weekends were chaotic. There were gymnastics classes for my daughter that required an early morning drop-off for one of our foster kids, followed by a rush to the gym and back to our home so my son could make it to his Saturday field hockey practice.
In those years, busyness became synonymous with family life, especially for those of us with multiple children. It’s expected that we’ll be carpooling, synchronizing schedules, hastily feeding our kids before dashing out the door, and planning social outings weeks in advance. We want our children to be engaged, to pursue their passions, and to stay active. Such endeavors are valuable, and no one judges a family for seeking to provide every opportunity for their kids.
But on that particular Monday afternoon, as I buckled all the kids into their car seats after those exhausting swimming lessons, I began to question the necessity of our hectic lifestyle. After some discussion with my partner, we realized a change was essential before we became overwhelmed.
So, we decided to take a break from all extracurricular activities and allow ourselves some breathing room. Suddenly, afternoons were free of commitments, and weekends became ours again. I could almost feel the stress dissipating. We had taken on the significant responsibility of foster parenting, but hadn’t adjusted our schedules accordingly, and the toll was evident. The relief we experienced that winter was unmistakable.
When spring arrived, each child picked one activity that required no more than a weekly commitment, preferably on a Saturday. We determined that if we were going to be busy, it should be on the weekend when one of us could stay home with the kids who weren’t involved. My daughter chose cheerleading, my son opted for soccer, and we signed them up for swimming lessons. That was our limit—one commitment during the week, two weekend activities, and nothing else. This has been our approach for the past three years.
While it may not be the ideal lifestyle for everyone, it suits us well. This isn’t about guilt; it’s a reminder to parents that we have the power to choose how our lives unfold, including our children’s lives (at least for now). If a busy schedule invigorates you, go for it! But if you resonate with our experience, know that being busy doesn’t have to define your family.
Our children are active, social, and happy, yet we only have one evening commitment each week. Our nights are now slower, allowing my partner to hit the gym or play basketball, the kids to enjoy post-dinner playtime, complete household chores, or have spontaneous playdates. There might be some skills they miss out on, and they may wish we had chosen differently in the future, but when they look back on these years, I want them to remember quality time—time spent with us and with each other.
I want them to cherish the freedom of a weekend with no obligations, the comfort of coming home after school, knowing they can simply relax. I want them to feel welcome bringing friends over, and for us to make spontaneous plans to dine out, watch a movie, or play cards at the kitchen table. These formative years, before they fill their own schedules with friends and homework, should ground them in our family, in this home.
There’s plenty of time for busyness later—why not embrace a slower pace while we can?
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Summary
The author reflects on the frantic pace of family life and its toll, particularly after becoming a foster parent. After a particularly stressful experience, they decide to simplify their family’s schedule, allowing for more quality time and less stress. They find fulfillment in a less hectic lifestyle, focusing on meaningful moments with their children.