Every afternoon, my 14-year-old son bursts through the front door after school, as if propelled by some unseen force. He slams the door behind him and races upstairs before the house even settles.
“Hi!” I call out, hoping for a moment of connection.
“Hey, Mom!” he yells back, already shutting his bedroom door with a definitive thud.
I can’t help but wonder, is he really that wound up? Puberty has hit our household like a bear awakening from hibernation. The signs were unmistakable long ago: greasy hair, body odor, and an acne-ridden face. I’ve learned to respect his privacy by knocking before entering his room. Ignorance can be bliss, after all.
The physical transformations during this phase are nothing short of miraculous. I often tell my son he goes to bed as one person and wakes up as someone completely different. One morning, he descended the stairs with strong thighs where once there were twigs, and soon after, he developed biceps. Just recently, he emerged with his father’s foot size, and I was astounded to find he had outgrown his shoes—literally overnight. It’s like living with a magician, and all my husband and I need to do is keep him well-fed to sustain this wonder.
Yet, it’s the emotional upheaval during puberty that truly ramps up my maternal anxiety. While I’m a woman, I vividly recall the complex social landscape that adolescence brings. Just last weekend, our son shared a story about some lunch table drama, and I was instantly transported back to my own school days, where even the logo on a shirt could spark cruel gossip and exclusion.
To my surprise, I found myself feeling a strange sense of happiness that he had a tough day. I had to remind myself, “Don’t smile!” I wasn’t rejoicing in his pain; rather, I felt a deep sense of relief that he chose to confide in us. I know all too well that his instincts are pushing him to distance himself from both his father and me. I see it happening right before my eyes. The lively conversations we once had have dwindled to terse exchanges: “We’ll leave in 15 minutes.” “I’ll pick you up at 6:30.” “Can you set the table before you disappear?”
With our usual patterns of interaction fading away, I’m left to glean his emotional state through subtle cues. Are his grades holding steady? Yes. Does he have friends, and do I approve of them? Yes and yes. Is he kind when I’m not around? Thankfully, he still is.
I understand that puberty is merely a phase, one that won’t last forever. However, like every developmental milestone, it offers essential insights into a child’s internal world. My concern lies in whether I’m accurately interpreting the signals. For now, I’m telling myself that as long as he doesn’t totally withdraw from us, he will be alright. At least that’s what I’ll hold on to until I see evidence that suggests otherwise.
Let’s hope our door hinges can endure the trials of the coming years, especially with two other boys following closely behind in this evolutionary journey.
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In summary, navigating the tumultuous waters of puberty with your son can be an overwhelming experience, filled with physical and emotional changes. While it’s essential to give them space, maintaining open communication can help bridge the gap during this challenging stage.