Children have a remarkable ability to display their most challenging behaviors just when we least want them to, particularly in settings filled with other parents. It’s as if the universe conspires against you: while the other kids are being sweet and well-behaved, yours might be throwing a tantrum or engaging in some bizarre antics, like picking their nose or tugging on someone’s hair. In these moments, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and question every parenting choice you’ve ever made. Is it too much screen time? Have I been too lenient? The shame can be suffocating, especially when someone casually drops the line, “My child would never do that.”
Such comments cut deep, making us feel as though our perceived failures have been validated. If their child “never” exhibits such behavior, it implies they are doing everything right while we are falling short. But let’s take a step back—this perspective is grossly unfair. Judging someone’s entire parenting journey based on a single instance is not only ridiculous but also misleading.
When someone claims their child “never” has a meltdown, they’re essentially suggesting that their child never experiences hunger, fatigue, illness, or frustration. Kids lack the skills to articulate their emotions effectively, leading to outbursts or disruptive behavior instead. Unless that parent possesses some extraordinary ability to anticipate their child’s needs at all times (which, let’s be honest, is highly unlikely), then they’ve certainly witnessed their fair share of chaos.
Let’s entertain the notion that instead of acting superior, these parents could offer empathy, perhaps sharing their own stories, like “Don’t worry; it happens to all of us” or “Just last week, my kid was caught humping a pillow.” Wouldn’t that ease the pressure on those of us whose otherwise decent kids sometimes act out in public?
It would be refreshing if these self-righteous parents would simply offer a knowing smile instead of a condescending remark. No one is perfect, and I’d wager that those who act like they are are just trying to mask their own insecurities. The reality is that every child, regardless of how stellar their upbringing appears, occasionally does something embarrassing or outrageous. Even if another child has never exhibited a certain behavior, it doesn’t reflect on your parenting skills or the value of your child. It merely indicates that, at that moment, their child is behaving themselves.
Behind closed doors, those seemingly perfect parents are likely grappling with their own doubts and asking, “What am I doing wrong?”
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In summary, let’s stop comparing our parenting journeys and instead support each other through the ups and downs of raising kids. Remember, all children have their moments, and we are all in this together.