“I was so drained last night that I fell asleep and woke up exactly where I started. I didn’t even shift an inch,” my partner said over the phone while I was browsing through a quirky boutique with friends miles away during a girls’ weekend.
“Wow, you must have been exhausted. What did you do yesterday?”
“I took the kids for a bike ride and aimed to get home for lunch, but I got so hungry that I decided to take them out instead.”
“Oh, that sounds fun.” Until that moment, I was only half-listening, distracted by shoes. But his last comment caught my attention. He actually took our three kids—ages 2, 4, and 5—out to eat alone, something he had never attempted before.
“How did it go?” Yes, I was a bit smug. I was curious to hear about this monumental feat, not because I doubted his abilities but because I wanted him to experience firsthand the challenges of managing three kids in public. Perhaps this would give him insight into my frustrations when he was late or wanted to go out after work or hang with friends for the weekend. While I believe we both need time apart to recharge, he had never truly experienced solo parenting for any significant duration.
“Well, it was really crowded, but there were so many kind women around. Our waitress immediately brought us crackers and stayed with Anna and Jack while I took Addison to the restroom.”
He continued enthusiastically about the compliments he received for managing the kids, how the restaurant expedited their meals, and even how a woman left him a coupon for 15% off his bill. I’m almost surprised he didn’t mention a standing ovation as they left.
While I was pleased they had a nice outing and the kids behaved, I couldn’t help but feel a bit annoyed by those women. I understand their intentions were good—they were likely parents themselves and knew how chaotic dining out with toddlers can be. However, their support implied that my husband needed special recognition for simply being a dad, as if he were a superhero for doing what should be considered normal parenting.
I have taken our kids out to eat countless times and have never received such accolades, and that wasn’t my main issue. It’s the persistent double standard we face. Society tends to overlook moms in these situations, yet we readily fawn over a man handling parenting duties alone. Our kids observe this and may internalize the idea that fathers need assistance in ways mothers do not. Even though they were young, my kids noted the extra help Daddy received that day and began to expect similar treatment on outings thereafter.
It’s heartwarming to see a father alone with his children, even attractive, but he doesn’t require special treatment. We shouldn’t be surprised by it. Just as mothers are capable of navigating parenting challenges, fathers are equally competent. We shouldn’t undermine their abilities or offer help in ways we wouldn’t consider for a woman. We all know a mother can manage her kids with one hand tied behind her back, and guess what? So can a father. From my perspective, they’re doing an excellent job, and we should acknowledge that without the need for extra praise.
In summary, it’s time to recognize that fathers don’t need to be treated as exceptional for simply fulfilling their roles. Both mothers and fathers are equally equipped to handle parenting duties, and we should stop perpetuating the double standards that suggest otherwise. For those exploring fertility options or preparing for parenthood, check out resources like Boost Fertility Supplements or Essential Newborn Baby Items to Prepare For for helpful insights. Additionally, Progyny provides excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.