As a parent, it’s common to hear tales of sleepless nights. “Oh, Oliver is such a handful! He’s nearly 3 and still wakes up twice a night. I can’t think straight; I haven’t had a full night’s sleep since before he was born!” Or, “You think that’s tough? My daughter Ava wakes up at 5 a.m. every morning. It’s unbelievable!” To those parents, I say: that’s cute.
I truly believe in the relativity of experiences; your challenges are valid even if they don’t compare to the struggles of someone in a dire situation. However, when it comes to sleep (or lack thereof) in children? My kids take the cake. My 4-year-old is the reigning champion of sleeplessness.
After a grueling 42-hour labor (it felt like a month), we left the hospital with him just two hours after his arrival. He dozed off during the brief car ride home—yes, even during our McDonald’s pancake stop—but promptly woke up and hasn’t really slept properly since.
Since he began to talk at around 8 months (way too early), he has taken to waking me every couple of hours to discuss a variety of pressing issues. Sometimes he sneaks into our bed and goes back to sleep, but more often than not, he embarks on an existential exploration that could rival a therapy session.
We’ve covered a plethora of topics at 4 a.m., ranging from birthday gifts to the mysteries beyond our solar system (which, frankly, I still don’t understand). Here are 13 of the more common late-night discussions that keep us both awake:
- Carburetors
What is a carburetor? Apparently, it’s something in cars that hasn’t been used since the early 90s—thanks to Oliver for that insight at 4 a.m. - Math and Solar Power
How do these connect? It’s usually dark at 4 a.m., which makes using a solar-powered calculator pretty tricky. But if you crank on all the lights in the house, sleep is not an option for you. - Life
How does a baby get into a uterus? How does it come out? Why don’t I have a uterus? You can imagine the spiral of questions that follows. “They used a robot? Can we get a robot?” No, we cannot. - Death
What happens after we die? This topic has kept us up for weeks. Initially, we told him it’s a mystery, which is a big mistake. We tried to ease his worries with ideas of a candy-filled heaven, but that didn’t cut it. Eventually, we landed on “you can come back as you,” which, let’s face it, is how rumors start. - Hamsters
His sister’s hamster passed away. The questions about its death and afterlife never seem to end. “Where did the hamster go? Can it come back as a cat?” - Big Trucks
What do they carry? Why are they so enormous? Where are they going? If we had one, I’d probably put you in it right now. - Christmas and Birthdays
“How long until my birthday? What gifts will I get?” If I have to do one more birthday countdown in the middle of the night, I might just cancel the whole thing. - The Moon
What’s it made of? Why can’t we see it all the time? Can we go there? Nope. Go to sleep. - The Air Conditioner
How does it work? What makes the air cold? Will the fan chop off my hand? Yes, it chops off the hands of boys who don’t sleep. Do you know any boys who aren’t sleeping? - Exhaust Systems
What is exhaust made of? Why is it affecting global warming? Should we bike more? What happens when the ice caps melt? We drown; that’s it. - Even More Trucks
Different sizes, different engines, and so many more questions about trucks. Why are kids so obsessed with them? - The Sun
Why is it hot? What gases are present? What if it burns out? If it does, we all die and none of us gets to come back as ourselves, because death is a mystery, okay?
For more insights on why toddlers wake up too early, you can check out this resource: Why is Your Toddler Waking Up Too Early?. And if you’re exploring options for pregnancy, visit Artificial Insemination for more information.
In the end, if you’re a parent going through similar sleepless nights filled with curiosity, know you’re not alone. The struggles are real, but so are the precious moments that come with them.