Updated: June 22, 2020
Originally Published: Jan. 12, 2017
When my partner and I first embarked on our relationship, we navigated the initial months from a distance. Before the era of smartphones and social media, our connection relied on heartfelt phone conversations, handwritten letters, and the occasional surprise care package, reminiscent of a more romantic time. I remember the joy of returning home from work to find a letter or a goofy card waiting for me. One standout memory is when he sent me a bottle filled with sand from the beach where we had our first date; it was a clear sign that he was someone special. Those thoughtful gestures, even from afar, made our bond feel strong, especially during periods of longing.
Fast forward to marriage, homeownership, and parenthood, and the essence of romance morphed into practical acts like “I’ll handle the midnight feedings so you can rest” or “Feel free to splurge on that new washer and dryer.” While we maintained our emotional connection, the passionate sparks of our early days faded into something more subdued, resembling a cup of coffee that we continuously forgot to reheat.
This dynamic worked for a time, but as the years passed, we found ourselves more like supportive roommates than passionate partners. The demands of parenting often overshadowed the intimate moments we used to cherish. We convinced ourselves that romance was a luxury we could no longer afford, believing that it was unnecessary after a certain stage in our relationship.
However, it became evident that romance is vital at every phase of a partnership. Not in the grand, cinematic style portrayed in romantic films, but through deliberate moments shared together that help smooth over the rough patches of long-term commitment. During one of our therapy sessions, our counselor introduced the idea of “we moments,” emphasizing the importance of creating cherished experiences to help navigate conflicts. Dedicating time for date nights, enjoying quiet evenings with a glass of wine, or simply reconnecting amidst the chaos of parenthood can fortify the foundation of a relationship. Understanding each other’s love languages amidst daily distractions is crucial for a healthy, enduring connection. Positive shared experiences nurture the bond and can help rekindle the passion that may have dimmed over time.
Recently, I had an interesting conversation with a friend about the balance of romance and companionship in relationships. He argued that expecting constant romantic feelings could lead to dissatisfaction, especially if one partner excels at thoughtful gestures. He suggested that the idealized versions of romance often portrayed by the media might leave couples feeling inadequate. While we didn’t see eye to eye, I respect his perspective and can understand how those portrayals might lead to feelings of disappointment.
Romance should never feel like an obligation; rather, it should be an intentional practice woven into the fabric of daily life. As my partner and I have worked to rediscover our romantic selves, I’ve realized that like marriage, romance requires dedication and effort. Some days when I’m frazzled and caught in my comfy clothes, feeling far from glamorous, it’s easy to overlook the importance of being present and kind to my partner. Yet, even small gestures—like reminiscing about special memories over a glass of wine—have reinforced my belief that a sprinkle of romance is essential for my well-being. It appears he feels the same.
Not long ago, at a wedding this fall, my partner discreetly requested our wedding song from the DJ. As the familiar melody filled the air of a charming barn adorned with soft lights, I locked eyes with him, and the years melted away. In that moment, we were transported back to the beginning of our journey, and I could almost feel the sand and ocean breeze from that memorable first date. Although we’ve evolved beyond that initial couple, I still cherish the bottle of sand he sent me years ago, a reminder of how far we’ve come together.
In summary, romance plays a crucial role in maintaining a healthy marriage. It cultivates connection and intimacy, even amidst the chaos of family life. By creating shared experiences and being deliberate in our gestures, couples can strengthen their bond and navigate the complexities of long-term relationships.
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