As a parent, my goal is to foster authenticity in my children, allowing them to express themselves freely, as long as it’s appropriate and doesn’t harm anyone or make them appear foolish. I genuinely enjoy saying “Yes!” to my kids’ creative ideas and celebrating their uniqueness. However, I also recognize the necessity of boundaries. I often remind them: “I want to support you, but there are rules in place because I’m still your parent. Don’t push your luck. Help me help you.”
Isn’t this the essence of parenting? We want our kids to feel secure enough to reveal their true selves. While I lean towards saying yes more often than no—which I’m quite proud of—I won’t hesitate to intervene when their ideas veer off course. After all, as parents, our role is to guide them, temper their enthusiasm when necessary, and prevent them from making regrettable choices, all without dimming their sparkle or making them feel out of touch with whatever is currently trending—swag, perhaps?
For example, if my son wants to grow out his hair into a man bun or my daughter aspires to sport an undercut with vibrant, fruity hair colors, I’m all in. Hand me the hair dye or clippers, because I might just want to join in on the fun. But if they suggest something wildly inappropriate, that’s where I draw the line; they’ll have to stick with their mom-approved hairstyles.
I typically don’t censor their music choices. I understand they listen to what’s popular, just as I did during my youth. I fondly recall dancing to hits like “Pour Some Sugar on Me” while sporting leg warmers. I want them to feel just as fabulous. That said, if I catch my son listening to songs that disrespect women, I’ll take that speaker and send it packing, ’90s-style. It’s important to me that they know this disrespect is unacceptable, and I want them to carry that lesson beyond our home.
I encourage my kids to express themselves through their fashion choices, even if it means skipping a coat in frigid temperatures to showcase their outfit. However, if my daughter thinks it’s acceptable to wear a shirt that reads “Ask About My Hooters,” I will not hesitate to take it away—regardless of her age.
I want them to feel comfortable discussing what they perceive as unfair treatment. I’ll always listen with empathy, provided they express themselves respectfully, even when emotions run high. However, if they resort to insults like “You suck,” they may find themselves scrubbing the bathroom as a reminder of what truly sucks in life. Respectful communication goes both ways, and I won’t tolerate disrespect.
This is to say that it’s entirely possible to be a “Yes Mom” while still enforcing necessary boundaries. The outdated notion that children should be seen and not heard is harmful; we want to empower our kids to make decisions while ensuring they don’t overstep. Yet, I sometimes feel like a doormat in the process. When that happens, I recognize it’s often due to my own actions. Striking a balance between allowing them to grow independently and providing supportive guidance is no small feat. After all, they’re still kids, learning and exploring, and they will sometimes go a little overboard.
Despite this challenge, I continue to say yes more often than not and strive to find a comfortable middle ground. I can confidently say that I only mess this up occasionally. Overall, this approach seems to work for my family—thank goodness—because saying yes is just so much more enjoyable. Now, pass me the scissors and crank up the music!
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Summary
Balancing the role of a supportive “Yes Mom” with the need to establish boundaries can be challenging for parents. While encouraging individuality and self-expression, it’s essential to guide children away from inappropriate choices. Open communication and mutual respect are key to fostering a healthy family dynamic.