We all understand the principles of positive parenting: Your 6-year-old is having a meltdown, shouting that you ruin everything and refusing to tidy up their toys because “it’s not fair.”
The positive parenting approach encourages you to get down on their level, wear a concerned expression, and say something like, “Wow, you seem really upset. Can you help me understand why?” Or perhaps, “It sounds like you have some strong feelings. What can I do to support you?” Or finally, “Oh dear, it seems like you could use a hug!” All this while your child is right in your face, screaming.
But here’s the catch: deep down, you might just want to scream back.
Positive parenting asks you to maintain a composed demeanor when all you want is to unleash your inner Medusa, snakes and all. After all, you’ve been slaving away all day—laundry, mopping floors, reading stories, and even delicately extracting snot from someone’s hair. All fueled by lukewarm coffee and the remnants of a frozen waffle. If you’re not a good parent, then what exactly does that make you? You’ve done everything, yet here’s this little whirlwind accusing you of being a “bad mama.” You’ve hit a nerve.
But you’re committed to being a positive parent. You didn’t do all those chores to make your child feel guilty. You want them to grow up without a sense of obligation. You’re the selfless caregiver, the epitome of unconditional love.
Then, they tell you that you ruin their fun. Their fun? You’ve dedicated your day to cleaning, setting up arts and crafts—which involved scissors and glue, no less—and even indulged in the glitter that will haunt your home for years. All this while they spent hours enjoying the activities you organized, including a trip to the playground. And you even played checkers with them, letting them win. But do you remind them of all this? No, because ranting is frowned upon in positive parenting. Instead, you take deep breaths and suggest, “Let’s breathe together.” When they refuse, you breathe on your own, resisting the urge to shake them.
And still, they stomp their feet, refusing to clean up their toys. You brought those toys into the house; you could easily remove them. You pick up after them daily, yet here you are, asking for a simple task. But you can’t just take their toys away; they’re precious to them. Instead, you suppress your frustration and say, “I see you don’t want to clean up. Let’s make a game of it! Who can pick up the most toys the fastest?” Or perhaps you try singing a silly cleanup song together. Regardless, you find yourself on your knees, picking up after the little one.
Positive parenting does work. It acknowledges children as individuals with feelings and respects their emotional experiences. But for every moment of positive reinforcement, there’s an internal battle that leans more toward frustration than affection. Unless you’re a Zen master, it’s nearly impossible to endure a tantrum without envisioning a brief escape. The mark of a loving parent? You don’t act on those thoughts, but they do cross your mind.
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In summary, positive parenting is a commendable approach that helps validate children’s emotions and encourages healthy communication. However, the reality of parenting can often lead to frustration and a desire to escape, highlighting the importance of self-care and patience in this rewarding yet challenging journey.