We swore we wouldn’t become that couple—the ones who let their romantic life fade into the background while managing the chaos of raising toddlers. No way! We were determined to prioritize our relationship. We envisioned regular date nights and long evening strolls to reconnect after our hectic days. Weekend getaways would be effortless; we’d happily leave our little ones with anyone willing to watch them. Three kids under five wouldn’t put a dent in our passionate connection. Time for intimacy? Absolutely! Babies nap all the time, so we’d just sneak in some quality time while they were asleep. We had it all figured out!
Looking back, it’s clear we were in denial. Those early years of parenthood, when our physical relationship was thriving and simultaneously creating our family, were filled with unrealistic expectations. We believed our passion for each other would remain untouched by the demands of parenting. But it didn’t. Our energy levels plummeted, and instead of sharing sweet moments, we found ourselves uttering phrases like “diapers,” “bottles,” “sleep training,” and “please just let me rest.”
In no time, we transitioned from being partners to mere housemates. Even on the nights we attempted to share a bed, we often ended up in different rooms due to a little phenomenon we dubbed “musical beds.” This involved our kids wandering the house at odd hours, settling into various beds for cuddles. Locating each other became a challenge, and when we did, it was usually with a toddler nestled between us.
The early years of parenting can drain not only your mental energy but also your desire for intimacy. After being touched and needed all day—nursing, carrying, and comforting small children—the last thing I wanted was to share myself with anyone else. I craved personal space, a reprieve from the constant physical demands.
There were times I questioned how couples manage to survive this stage. While I never doubted our love and respect for one another, I did wonder about the future of our sex life. Would it ever resemble what it was before kids? How would we find the time and energy? With four other people living in our small house, how would intimacy even be possible?
But fear not, fellow parents! The saying “it’s like riding a bike” holds some truth. Sure, your passion might feel rusty, and you may stumble a bit, but I assure you, you can reclaim your relationship. Those endless bedtimes spent reading stories will eventually transform into daytime escapades as your children grow up and start school.
Daytime intimacy with the doors wide open? Count us in! Lunch date nights at home on a Wednesday? Yes, please! Once you reach a stage where you’re done having kids and those pregnancy scares are behind you, your sexual experiences will shift entirely. Forget about procreation—it’s all about enjoying each other now.
Be patient with one another during those demanding years, and avoid placing unrealistic expectations on your relationship, as this may only lead to disappointment. Weekly date nights with babies at home might not be practical, and that’s completely okay. This phase won’t last forever, and I assure you, your intimacy will not only survive but thrive.
Before you know it, you’ll find yourselves enjoying quiet Friday and Saturday nights alone, all thanks to the teen years. Those teenagers will be out thinking they’re having the time of their lives, unaware of the fun their parents are having back at home. You might even be engaging in a little “Are your parents home yet?” role play.
“Stay out as late as you want, kids! We’re heading to bed early.” Wink wink.
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In summary, while the early years of parenting can be overwhelming and may seem to diminish your intimacy, it’s important to remember that you can navigate this phase together. With patience, understanding, and a willingness to adapt, your relationship can not only survive but flourish as you transition into different stages of parenthood.