As I paused to observe my husband and children walking ahead of me after my daughter’s basketball game, I felt a sense of acknowledgment wash over me as they turned back to see I wasn’t right behind them. Moments like these remind me of the importance of being seen, especially on days when I feel like just the family chauffeur or housekeeper, burdened by reminders of forgotten groceries.
My family occupies a significant space in my heart; they bring me joy and evoke emotions I never knew I could experience—both uplifting and challenging. Their unconditional love is a treasure, and I would fiercely protect them from any harm. However, I realize that they do not define my completeness.
Reflecting on my college days, I remember a conversation with my roommate about our aspirations. We both envisioned being married with a couple of children by 25. While we shared a dream of family, we never dared to express that we thought having these relationships would make us feel whole. Over the years, we’ve learned that fulfillment doesn’t come from others but from within ourselves.
As my husband and children have enriched my life, I’ve come to understand that true happiness and a sense of completeness is an internal journey. It’s not something someone else can create for me. There have been times when I felt a weighty expectation to be the source of someone else’s happiness, which only made me want to escape. This pressure is unsustainable.
Our children and partners are not responsible for filling our emotional gaps. It’s vital to recognize that feeling complete doesn’t equate to being happy all the time. It means being authentic, knowing oneself, maintaining integrity, setting boundaries, and cultivating relationships and activities that resonate with us, without relying on anyone for our happiness.
As I grow older, I find peace in my identity. The trivial matters fade away, allowing me to focus on what truly enriches my life. I am whole. I complete myself.
As my children grow and eventually start their own families, I’m grateful that they don’t define my sense of completeness. I can’t expect them to fulfill me, nor can I teach them to chase their dreams if I don’t pursue my own. I write, run, enjoy painting and decorating, and I can’t sleep without diving into a good book. I cherish weekly lunches with close friends and prioritize one-on-one time with each of my kids. I rarely go a day without connecting with my sisters. These experiences help me stay true to myself and prevent me from depending on anyone for my joy.
Happiness is something we create for ourselves. I don’t want to burden anyone with expectations of filling voids in my life, nor do I wish to impose that pressure on others. Our family is our foundation, a source of love and safety, but without the work of self-completion, true happiness remains elusive.
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In summary, embracing self-fulfillment is crucial for true happiness, and it is our responsibility to create our own joy, beyond the roles we play in our families.