As I drive along the familiar stretch of Highway 12 in Michigan, my son is engrossed in a book about superheroes in the backseat. This route feels as instinctual to me as walking through a forest I’ve known since I was a teenager. I reach for the radio, hitting “seek,” and land on a Sunday talk show where two men are discussing the concept of family.
It quickly becomes evident they’re focusing on marriage equality. One host declares, “We need to make the family unit more appealing. Families are essential for procreation, which is vital for our species’ survival.” The other agrees, asserting the need to showcase what they deem the ideal family—a traditional marriage with a mother, a father, and multiple children.
As I change the station, their conversation lingers in my mind. What does an ideal family truly look like? They seem to suggest that a family consists of a mother and father with several children. I’m relieved my son hasn’t heard this narrow definition; I would never want a radio show to dictate his understanding of family.
I think of my friend Sarah, who is married to her husband and has eight children. They check all the boxes—mother, father, and siblings—but some people criticize her for having “too many” kids or for choosing to homeschool them, viewing her large family as anything but ideal. Yet, her children are among the most caring and intelligent I know.
Then there’s my friend Claire, who has always longed to be a mother but has never married. She adopted a beautiful baby girl, and the joy radiating from her in photos is unmistakable. Claire is white, and her daughter is black; this family might not fit the traditional mold either, yet their love is evident.
Another friend, Jenna, is in a same-sex relationship and has been raising twins with her partner. They embody the essence of a family—two mothers, siblings—but are often told they don’t fit society’s ideal simply because of their sexual orientation. Their nurturing home is filled with love, yet they face discrimination.
My college best friend, Laura, is married but does not have children. Instead, she and her spouse have adopted two dogs, and their joy and fulfillment are palpable. Many might question the validity of their marriage since they are not raising children, but their family dynamic is just as rich.
And then there’s me. After a difficult divorce, I remarried at 34. When I finally had the child I always wanted at 38, I decided that one pregnancy was enough after facing complications. We check the boxes for mother and father, but with no siblings and a divorce in my past, we too might be seen as less than ideal.
It’s voices like those on the radio that perpetuate the idea that anything outside their narrow view of family is inadequate. This insidious message can seep into public consciousness, leading others to question the validity of non-traditional families.
The definition of a traditional family is itself outdated. The 1950s version—where fathers worked, mothers stayed home, and families looked like those on “Leave It to Beaver”—doesn’t reflect today’s reality. Families are diverse, with varied dynamics that can include stay-at-home dads, working moms, and blended households. There is no universal blueprint for what constitutes an ideal family.
Family can be chosen or inherited, and it encompasses fellowship, shared values, and friendship. The Merriam-Webster definition of “ideal” is “exactly right for a particular purpose, situation, or person.” This means that the definition of ideal can vary widely. For me, my ideal family of three embodies love, respect, and happiness. Family is not about conforming to a single image or formula.
Ultimately, ideal family structures are about the presence of love and support, rather than fitting a specific mold. Just as our nation embraces various religions and cultures, we must also celebrate the multitude of family forms that exist.
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In summary, the concept of family is not rigid; it is fluid and ever-evolving. Families thrive on love and respect, and there is no singular definition that can encompass the rich tapestry of human relationships.