Recently, my social media feeds were flooded with a heartwarming trend: Tree of Life “brelfies”—breastfeeding selfies—shared by mothers around the globe, all thanks to the popular app PicsArt. (By the way, how did I not discover this app sooner?) The photos were stunning: mothers nourishing their children, often featuring a symbolic Tree of Life image that celebrated the nurturing essence of breast milk.
These images initially aimed to normalize breastfeeding, a crucial and empowering message that deserves amplification. Women shouldn’t face shame for breastfeeding in public or be told to cover up—after all, they are simply feeding their hungry babies. However, as much as I appreciated the beauty of these shared moments, they also stirred feelings of sadness within me.
I longed to breastfeed but never succeeded. I had every intention of doing so before my first child was born, confident that I could navigate the challenges of breastfeeding. After my son arrived, I sought help from a lactation consultant both in the hospital and later at home. Around day six, I started to feel something was amiss.
I lacked the sensation of engorgement and suspected my milk supply was insufficient. At a La Leche League meeting, I asked, “Should I supplement?” My concerns were met with firm replies of “No!” as if the very mention of formula was taboo. I returned to the pediatrician, who acknowledged my son’s slow weight gain but insisted I persevere. Despite my efforts to pump, my output was disheartening. I was bombarded with the message: “Don’t give up!”
Weeks later, during a routine check-up, my son had lost nearly two pounds from his birth weight. We were rushed to the hospital, yet the focus remained on potential issues with my baby rather than any failure on my part. Well-intentioned mothers suggested further tests, convinced that my inability to produce milk was inconceivable.
Ultimately, I made the decision to call my partner, asking her to bring formula and bottles to the hospital. “He’s starving,” I declared. Almost immediately, my baby started gaining weight. We left the hospital two days later, with the doctors finally recognizing what I had known all along—my child needed nourishment, and formula was the answer.
With my second child, I approached breastfeeding with renewed determination, eager to apply the lessons learned. However, when he too struggled to gain weight during his two-week check-up, I swiftly offered him a bottle, avoiding the ordeal we faced with our first child.
The inability to breastfeed for both of my children brought me significant emotional distress and guilt. Observing those picturesque breastfeeding selfies on social media, with friends exchanging heartfelt comments, was bittersweet. I cherish my children as much as any mother does and want the best for them.
While I fully support the breastfeeding journey for those who can partake, it’s essential to recognize that not every mother has that ability. My own experience left me grappling with the notion that all women should be able to breastfeed—a belief that simply isn’t true. Trusting my instincts and prioritizing my baby’s well-being was paramount, despite the pressure to adhere to the “breast is best” mantra.
Mothers should never be judged for how they feed their babies, whether through breastfeeding or formula. There’s already too much judgment in the world, and scrutinizing a mother for her feeding choices is unfair. So, here’s my own Tree of Life selfie, a reminder that love for our children transcends the method of nourishment. As long as they are healthy and thriving, that is what truly matters.
For more insights on family planning and parenting, check out our other resources like this post about home insemination kits and this article discussing clean beauty and its importance. If you’re looking for reliable information on fertility and reproductive health, the CDC’s FAQ on infertility is an excellent resource.
In summary, while breastfeeding is a beautiful experience for many mothers, it’s crucial to acknowledge that not everyone can achieve it. Mothers should feel empowered in their choices and supported, regardless of how they nourish their children.