As I sit down to share my thoughts, I find myself torn between wanting to recount joyful anecdotes about my son and heartfelt moments spent with my partner, and the pressing need to address a reality that weighs heavily on my heart. While I aspire to bring you smiles and a sense of nostalgia, there’s an essential truth I must confront: I cannot offer you forgiveness this year.
My journey has not been easy. I grew up in a low-income household, navigating life with the limitations that come from being part of a food stamp family in the Catskill Mountains. At 17, I came out as gay while attending a private Catholic university, where I faced violence for my identity. Rather than remain silent, I chose to speak out, challenging the injustices that plagued my community, and even took legal action to establish a gay-straight alliance on campus. I recognized the critical need for connection and inclusion, so I traveled across the country advocating for equality, resilience, and the power of love over hate.
It was during this journey that I found my partner, Mark. Together, we have fought to create a life that reflects our shared values, including the realization that love transcends societal norms. Our commitment to each other has involved navigating the complexities of coming out to family members who struggled to understand our relationship—a process that has been both exhausting and ongoing.
After marrying in New York, our marriage remained unrecognized in our home state of New Jersey for a year. Today, we live in a country where marriage equality is upheld, yet we still refrain from showing public affection, aware that not everyone has embraced this progress. There are still those who cling to ignorance and fear, capable of causing harm.
Our path to parenthood has also been fraught with challenges. With determination, we faced each obstacle, and when our son, Leo, was born, I felt an overwhelming sense of purpose. I knew that this child would have two fathers who would fight fiercely for his rights and happiness.
The Obama administration brought significant positive changes to our lives. The president was the first sitting leader to publicly support marriage equality and protections for families like ours. With these advancements came essential benefits for our son, ensuring he had health insurance and security that mirrored the protections afforded to all families.
However, the stakes shifted drastically with the 2016 election. Many individuals who professed to support our family nevertheless voted for a party intent on dismantling the very rights we fought for. The Republican platform threatened to strip away our marriage rights, as well as the basic civil liberties that protect us as a family.
In this polarizing climate, we reached out to those who had voiced their support, only to discover that many were aligning themselves with a party whose agenda contradicted our existence. Despite not identifying as prejudiced, they chose to support a candidate who embodies those very qualities. It’s a disheartening realization when our rights and dignity are reduced to political choices.
Elections present a rare opportunity to advocate for marginalized communities, to empower young LGBTQ+ individuals by affirming their worth. Yet, as I reflect on the choices made, I feel the weight of betrayal.
This election was not merely another political event—this administration poses a direct threat to my family’s right to exist. Many of Trump’s appointees have histories of supporting anti-LGBT legislation, from Vice President Mike Pence to Attorney General nominee Jeff Sessions. The implications of these appointments are profound and alarming.
I want to be clear: it’s not my duty to make you feel at ease about the decisions that have been made. I wake early to care for my son and juggle the demands of work and family. I don’t have the capacity to soothe your conscience or to pretend that everything is fine.
Everything is not okay.
Throughout my life, I have been inspired by remarkable individuals—particularly women who stand strong in adversity. Their voices echo in my mind as I confront the betrayal of those we once trusted. And now, I find resonance in the words of the Dixie Chicks: “I’m not ready to make nice.”
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In summary, the journey of advocating for our rights as a family is ongoing. We must remain vigilant, as the choices made today impact not just us, but generations to come.