The internet is a curious blend of useful and bizarre information. It can be a treasure trove for everything from finding discounts on that new lipstick (pro tip: Ulta is always a winner) to learning how to remove stubborn stains from your furniture (a mix of dish soap, white vinegar, water, and maybe a sprinkle of luck).
During one of these rabbit hole searches, I stumbled upon a list of cleaning recommendations that left me both bewildered and slightly inadequate. I had hoped it would offer some practical advice or at least assure me that I wasn’t a complete failure when it came to household chores. Instead, I discovered that my cleaning habits were embarrassingly subpar.
For a moment, I felt overwhelmed. But then it dawned on me that these guidelines likely cater to those without children or perhaps to individuals who find solace in a bit of therapeutic cleaning. I admire those people, but I am not one of them.
As the saying goes, trying to clean while wrangling kids is akin to brushing your teeth while munching on Oreos. Personally, I prefer to indulge in those Oreos with a glass of wine on the side.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not a total slob. I dislike clutter and maintain a reasonably clean home. However, there’s no way I can keep up with these lofty cleaning expectations—and I bet many people feel the same way.
Let’s take a look at the cleaning schedule, shall we?
Daily
Squeegee the shower walls and sweep the kitchen floors.
Squeegee the shower? Seriously? I don’t even own one, and even if I did, I’d rather spend those precious minutes showering than squeegeeing. And sweep the kitchen every day? That’s what my furry friends are for.
Weekly
Change bedsheets, sanitize sponges, and dispose of expired food.
Change bedsheets every week? Are they joking? I can barely remember to do it once a month! My kids’ sheets only get changed post-stomach flu. Have you ever attempted to change the bedding on a bunk bed? It’s a workout and a half. And when I finally get the sheets washed, I inevitably find them still soaking in the machine by bedtime.
Monthly
Dust the blinds and clean the washing machine inside.
I can’t help but chuckle at this one.
Every few months
Vacuum the mattress, descale the coffee machine, and clean the fireplace.
If I can’t remember to change my sheets monthly, vacuuming the mattress is out of the question. Descaling? I’m not even sure what that entails.
Interestingly, I have achieved one goal on this list: our fireplace is spotless because we don’t have one, which leaves me more time to browse the internet about other pressing matters.
This article was first published on December 18, 2016.
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In summary, while the cleaning standards outlined may be ideal for some, many of us are simply trying to keep up with the chaos of daily life. Embracing our reality, with its messiness and imperfections, is where the true victory lies.