Recently, our electricity went out right before I needed to pick up my kids from school. To get the garage door open, I had to manually detach it from the automatic opener. When we returned home and the power was restored, I had to reattach it, which required me to climb on the back bumper of our car. As I balanced precariously, with one foot on the car and the other on the garage door, my son asked why I didn’t just wait for his dad to handle it. I told him I was fully capable of managing on my own, but there were deeper reasons behind my independence.
As my children have grown, I’ve found that I enjoy tackling tasks solo. While I occasionally wait for my partner’s assistance, I relish the opportunity to learn through hands-on experience. Whether it’s demoing an old cabinet or disconnecting a light fixture, these moments empower me and showcase my abilities to my kids. The time I took on a project like that, they looked at me like I had superpowers, and honestly, I felt that way too!
My impatience also plays a role. If I buy something that needs to be hung, or if I want to repaint a room, I can’t sit around waiting. I’ll take however long it requires, even if it takes a few drinks and half my day. Procrastination gives me anxiety, so it’s easier for me to just do it myself instead of waiting for my partner, who has a much more laid-back approach.
I also want my children to see that both their mother and father can do everything. I don’t want them to associate tasks with gender. If they see something that needs doing, I want them to know it’s okay to tackle it themselves. This is the same expectation I have for my partner when it comes to household chores.
Moreover, my partner often comes home exhausted from a long day at work. The last thing he wants to do is fix a leaky sink or tighten a doorknob, and I completely understand that. Sometimes, I can even finish a project before he gets home, allowing him to remain blissfully unaware of the chaos that ensued in the living room or hallway. For instance, there was a time I struggled with painting stripes in our bathroom, but I eventually figured it out and even tackled the hallway. He didn’t notice the changes for six months, which I counted as a personal victory.
Another reason I take on tasks myself is that my partner tends to procrastinate. He doesn’t feel the same urgency about changing light bulbs or repainting windowsills that I do. When I see a task that needs addressing, I become anxious if it doesn’t get done right away.
There’s also a more profound reason behind my determination: I never want to be caught unprepared. I once witnessed someone close to me struggle after losing her husband, feeling helpless because he had always managed the home repairs. This experience instilled in me the desire to be self-sufficient. I want to be capable of handling emergencies and everyday issues without relying solely on someone else.
Lastly, staying mentally engaged is crucial for me. Since becoming a stay-at-home parent, I’ve felt my mental sharpness wane. Although I have no regrets about my choice, I want to keep my brain active and engaged. Tackling DIY projects and researching how to improve our home helps me maintain that mental stimulation.
This doesn’t mean we don’t collaborate or seek assistance from each other. I still reach out when I’m genuinely in over my head, like the time I cracked our new pedestal sink. Ultimately, I want to take initiative, learn, and demonstrate to my kids that they, too, can overcome challenges independently.
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Summary
This article discusses the author’s journey toward self-sufficiency in handling household tasks without waiting for her partner’s help. It emphasizes the importance of learning new skills, setting an example for her children, and maintaining mental engagement. The author highlights personal experiences that motivate her to take charge and challenge traditional gender roles in household responsibilities.