I’ve spent a significant amount of time lying next to a restless child in the dark, hoping for some peace and quiet as they drift off to sleep. On particularly challenging nights, I’ve found myself hiding under the covers, my phone on the lowest brightness, scrolling through social media while silently praying my half-asleep child doesn’t catch me.
Yet, there are nights when this experience transforms into something truly special. As my kids transition from wakefulness to slumber, those moments can be profoundly intimate, often resembling the magical connection I envisioned before becoming a parent. Sometimes, they snuggle close, and I catch a whiff of their sweet hair or feel their warm cheeks against my neck. Those fleeting moments of closeness can easily bring me to tears.
While lying down with your kids until they fall asleep is often criticized, what if you choose to embrace it? Many parents are told to break this habit as soon as their child is a baby. But what if you continue to rock or nurse your little one every night? As they grow older, this could evolve into simply holding their hand or gently patting their back until they doze off. And even when they outgrow those needs, they might still ask for your presence to soothe them as they fall asleep.
You might wonder how they will ever learn to self-soothe or if you’re creating children who will struggle to function independently. Research indicates that a strong attachment can actually lead to greater independence in children. Providing a sense of security allows them to feel confident and capable in the world around them.
It’s important to note that not every family needs to adopt this bedtime ritual. There are many ways to nurture secure children, and this is just one option. However, if it works for your family, there’s no reason to stop. Allowing your children this comfort doesn’t mean they’ll struggle to fall asleep alone when the time comes.
I choose to lie down with my kids because they ask for it, and it’s become a comforting routine for us. Despite the demands of our busy lives filled with school, work, and other responsibilities, these quiet moments before sleep are invaluable. Honestly, even I don’t like falling asleep alone; it can take me ages to drift off when my partner is away. So why shouldn’t my children enjoy that extra security?
There have been plenty of nights when my older child needed my presence, and I cherish those moments. I understand that the time they will seek comfort from me is limited. Boys, in particular, often face societal pressures to conceal their emotions, and I believe this can have detrimental effects. By being present during these vulnerable moments, I hope to encourage them to express their feelings freely.
Yes, some nights, I find myself reluctant to lie there in the dark, feeling tired or frustrated. But I recognize that these precious minutes when my kids are nestled against me hold profound significance for both them and me. I wouldn’t exchange those moments for anything.
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In summary, lying down with your children until they fall asleep can be a nurturing practice that fosters security and connection. Though often discouraged, this bedtime ritual can bring immense value to both children and parents alike, creating lasting memories and emotional bonds.