This might surprise you, but yes, I am judging you. Me, the friendly face who seems so approachable at gatherings? The one labeled as “the nice person” amongst various groups? The one who cracks self-deprecating jokes to make others feel comfortable? Yes, I am judging you.
From your parenting techniques to your dietary choices for your children, and even your views on vaccinations, I am scrutinizing every aspect. Back in elementary school, I might have judged you based on whether you preferred the monkey bars or the swings. By middle school, I was fixated on your hairstyle and wardrobe, and as a judgmental teenager, I definitely assessed your taste in music too.
Judgment is inherent to human nature, and I would argue we all do it. Every day, we make evaluations, and they aren’t necessarily negative. If you mention your love for travel, I’ll see you as a valuable resource for planning my next adventure. We make daily assessments that help us decide who we might want to befriend or trust with our children.
However, let’s be real—everyone judges, and it’s impossible to only make positive assessments. For every compliment about a lovely dress, there’s an acknowledgment of a questionable outfit. The truth is, when we meet, I will be judging you, but you won’t be aware of it.
My judgments don’t imply that I think you are a bad person. I understand there’s more to you than your choices regarding co-sleeping or your belief that chain restaurants serve authentic cuisine. While your opinion on spanking may influence my decision about leaving my kids in your care, it doesn’t mean I’ll dismiss you entirely.
When I judge you unfavorably, I’m merely recognizing that I view my opinions as superior to yours. Yet, this doesn’t elevate my worth as a person above yours. I can see your wonderful qualities without letting my judgments hinder our potential friendship, which is why I often keep my thoughts to myself.
If I were to express my disdain for chain restaurants, would you stop enjoying your beloved burrito on date night? Absolutely not, and I wouldn’t want you to. Therefore, what’s the point of sharing my judgments? It only escalates to shaming, which is unnecessary.
If I genuinely care about you and you’re a close friend, I might ask if you’ve considered alternatives to feeding your child candy for dinner. But if I’m just an acquaintance, I’ll keep my opinions to myself while your little one enjoys their sugary feast. Your choices are not my concern.
Expressing judgments online transforms you into one of life’s unpleasant critics. Mothers, often seen as nurturing, have become particularly skilled at this. A quick glance at any comment section reveals that every parenting decision you make is subject to scrutiny. Whether it’s breastfeeding versus bottle-feeding or choosing a baby carrier over a stroller, someone is ready to criticize your choices.
Has a stranger ever truly influenced your parenting approach through an online comment? I doubt it. If you think telling me how terrible I am for drinking coffee while pregnant will change my mind, you’re mistaken. You’re merely showing that you judge an entire life based on a fleeting glimpse and have ample time to comment on the lives of others.
The internet can be a beautiful place that connects us globally and provides a wealth of information. However, it has also become a breeding ground for dissatisfied trolls who seek to assert their superiority by belittling others. If I took online comments too seriously, I might consider placing my kids in foster care due to my parenting choices, like only breastfeeding for two months and vaccinating them. And let’s not even start on the amount of buttered pasta they’ve consumed!
By the way, feel free to judge me. I let my kids choose their outfits, my 6-year-old only listens to about 20% of what I say, and some might argue my wine consumption is excessive (I might judge those people as a bit uptight). You might leave my home thinking I need a cleaner, but I hope you also see that my husband and I are raising two incredibly joyful and humorous daughters. Perhaps one of us even made you chuckle.
I genuinely believe that the universe reciprocates what you put into it. So, I urge you, regardless of how negative your judgments may be, please keep them to yourself.
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In summary, while we all have our judgments, it’s essential to keep them private. It’s perfectly natural to evaluate others, but expressing those judgments can lead to unnecessary negativity. Let’s strive to be kinder and more understanding.