Dear Santa,
I’ve embraced my essential oils, prioritized recycling, and even perfected my bone broth recipe. In short, I’ve been a dedicated crunchy mom this year. So, I think I’ve earned some of the fantastic goodies I’ve been dreaming about. Understanding that shopping for someone who radiates patchouli can be a challenge, I’ve compiled a list of items I hope to find under the tree this Christmas/Solstice.
Chickens and a Chicken Coop
Santa, if you bring me nothing else, please make it this. Yes, the hens might fall prey to foxes, and each egg will cost me a fortune in feed and care, potentially more than those organic, cage-free eggs from the local health store. But these chickens will be my companions. They’ll perch on my lap and produce eggs for my family, who, let’s be honest, may not even like them—scrambled, deviled, or otherwise. And yes, those eggs will come with a little chicken poop on them. That’s true love, right there.
Canning Supplies
Essentially, Santa, I want everything required for canning because I am determined to jar everything in sight. I plan to pickle, candy, and transform fresh vegetables into beautiful, BPA-free, aluminum-free creations. Just wait for peach season; I’ll can so many peaches, we may end up donating them to those in need. I promise I won’t give anyone botulism! Who am I kidding? Those supplies will likely mock me from my pantry for years, untouched, because I also have a freezer. But hey, at least it boosts my hippie cred!
All the Waldorf Toys
I want that adorable fabric elf, the wooden rainbow, and the entire treehouse set, complete with organic wooden dolls and tiny furniture. Don’t forget the pricier Bamboletta doll, which comes with rainbow hair and a matching ring sling for its own mini doll. I want all the wooden toys, but of course, they are for my child!
A Year’s Supply of Nag Champa
For those unfamiliar, Nag Champa is an incense scent from India that any self-respecting hippie burns during particularly odorous moments—be it diaper changes or cooking vegetables. It fills the home with a nostalgic aroma reminiscent of a college dorm trying to mask the scent of something else. I’ll leave the specifics to your imagination, Santa—no need to ask too many questions.
A Woven Wrap
I’ve outgrown my Moby, and now I’m after a handwoven wrap made of unicorn fur and elf hair, in a twill weave with vibrant rainbow colors. A size 6 would be perfect for all the various carries I enjoy. I could explain the intricacies to you, but I suspect your eyes would glaze over!
Breastmilk Jewelry
This requires sending my milk off to be transformed into jewelry—like a ring or a locket—preserving a piece of my motherhood forever. It’s akin to a modern-day relic, but uniquely mine. I must have this!
All the Menstrual Products
Forget regular pads and tampons. I want to embrace the unconventional! Bring me a Diva Cup in all its silicone glory, sea sponges for a natural touch, and reusable cloth tampons. I’m ready to bleed like an eco-conscious mom. And for those heavier days, I want handmade organic pads with layers of something called Zorb. I want light-day pads that are essentially flannel sewn together.
That One Diaper
You know the one, Santa—the limited edition print that everyone is after. It will complete my collection and look adorable on my little one. I just hope he doesn’t stain it!
Thanks for taking the time to read my wishlist, Santa! I’ll be sure to leave you gluten-free carob-walnut cookies on Christmas Eve.
Love,
A Not-Quite-Hippie-Enough Mom
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In summary, this wishlist combines a humorous take on motherhood with practical desires, showcasing a crunchy lifestyle filled with love for family, nature, and the whimsical joys of parenting.