“Did you know ‘duck’ sounds like the F-word? You know, the one spelled f-u-c-k.”
Oh boy, we just sidestepped a potential meltdown.
This little revelation came from our 6-year-old daughter, delivered at an ear-splitting volume in a packed New Orleans restaurant during a holiday gathering. A few patrons turned their heads in our direction. Some exchanged amused glances, while others showed looks of disapproval. Two children nearby even asked their parents about her comment. One particularly polished woman shook her head, clearly disapproving.
“That’s true, but let’s keep that conversation for later, and remember to use your inside voice. Thank you.”
My partner and I returned to enjoying our gumbo and discussing the upcoming football game while our daughter focused on coloring a blue duck on her menu. The disapproving woman continued her silent judgment.
Despite her disapproval, we were unfazed by our child’s expanding vocabulary. Here’s why:
Understanding Language is Essential
While our daughter can create a stunning castle drawing, her primary means of communication is verbal. So far, she’s never requested a snack through interpretive dance nor asked for help reading by crafting a poem. To communicate effectively, she must understand a wide range of words. She’s learning the nuances between “eager” and “anxious,” or “frustrated” and “angry.” At this age, she is collecting words and eager to explore their sounds and meanings. To navigate this linguistic journey, she needs the freedom to experiment with language out loud.
Teaching Responsible Language Use
When my daughter uses the F-word, I can explain why it’s inappropriate in certain contexts and for her age. If she persists, I can introduce safe and appropriate consequences. Let’s entertain the notion, as that polished woman might, that exploring the F-word is indeed inappropriate for her age.
However, when my teenage daughter, who isn’t with me, uses that word, it could provoke an unwelcome reaction from someone nearby, leading to escalating tensions and potentially harmful situations. I’d rather withstand judgmental glances from fine dining enthusiasts than risk my child’s safety over a single word.
Power of Words
Words have immense power—they can heal, uplift, or harm. My daughter, a beautiful product of diverse backgrounds, has qualities that make her uniquely her. She is competitive, outspoken, and occasionally aggressive. Unfortunately, she may face moments where words are weaponized against her.
We will address those challenges as they arise, but for now, I refuse to amplify the power of a word that is already loaded, especially when my reaction may only serve to create artificial weight behind it. There are valid occasions to use any word, and by reacting negatively, I may hinder her ability to understand their true impact and discern their appropriate contexts in the future.
While she may recognize the word, her understanding of its meaning is still developing. I won’t fight fire with fire, but rather focus on more pressing parenting challenges, such as evaluating whether this approach is the best one. So far, the answer has been a resounding “yes, indeed.”
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Summary
Navigating children’s language use can be challenging, especially when they explore words deemed inappropriate. It’s important for kids to learn the power of language and how to use it responsibly. Allowing them to express themselves openly fosters their understanding and vocabulary. By focusing on constructive communication rather than scolding, parents can help their children develop a healthy relationship with language.