I absolutely adore Christmas. From the jingling bells that play festive carols to cherished family recipes and the timeless classics of holiday music, I genuinely thrive in the Christmas spirit. This year, I even convinced my partner to set up the tree early because I couldn’t wait to dive headfirst into the season of joy. I envisioned laughter, harmony, and wide-eyed wonder—a perfect scene of “Christmas magic.”
However, I must advise against this early tree-decorating enthusiasm. Why? Because the reality is far from the dreamy picture I conjured. It quickly devolves into a chaotic showdown involving you, your cranky kids, and your seemingly unhelpful spouse.
When you pick up the children from school and announce it’s time to adorn the tree, you’ll likely be met with blank stares and a chorus of “But I wanted to watch my show!” This conversation will resurface a staggering 13 more times throughout the evening, escalating to the point where you might fantasize about tossing the television out the window. Seriously, who needs that distraction?
Your first beer will be cracked open around 4:45 p.m., as you realize your three-year-old has zero interest in the tree. Initially, they might pretend to be excited, but soon enough, they’ll be busy unraveling your meticulously organized boxes of decorations, possibly even breaking a few in the process. Meanwhile, your nine-year-old will be unimpressed by everything, leading to bickering over who owns which ornament and where it should go. You’ll develop an eye twitch watching them hang decorations any which way, resulting in a tree that resembles a drunken snowman’s unfortunate mishap.
This is the moment when you’ll reach for your second beer. Your partner, who offered to handle dinner, is clearly avoiding the chaos. He’ll somehow turn frying chicken into a three-hour ordeal, expertly sidestepping the pandemonium that is unfolding. While you’ve spent a year repressing the trauma of past decorating disasters, he’s acutely aware of what this night entails. That’s why he’s provided the beer.
As your children sing off-key carols with all the wrong lyrics, you’ll find your skin crawling. You’ll spend what feels like an eternity untangling lights, only for them to be tangled again by your nine-year-old who can’t follow simple instructions. All the while, Michael Bublé’s Christmas tunes blare in the background, adding to the madness.
Your preschooler will unintentionally turn the decorations into bowling pins, leading to several casualties among your cherished ceramics. The only communication with your partner will be when you plead for him to glue the shattered pieces back together. Your most uttered phrase will likely become “Don’t touch that.”
At some point during the night, you’ll reminisce about the joy of decorating the tree as a child and question why it can’t be like that now. Instead, it’s more akin to a bar brawl. After sending the kids to bed early—because honestly, enough is enough—you’ll find yourself on your third beer, staring at the chaotic tree. It dawns on you that this is the norm.
You’ll recall last year when your spouse was MIA, probably figuring out how to make a quick meal last forever. You’ll even remember the year when your toddler’s sudden illness led to a series of unfortunate events involving the tree and your carpet. And yes, even your own childhood antics of hiding your sibling’s favorite ornaments because you were a little troublemaker.
Decorating the tree has never been the idyllic experience you imagined, but somehow, all that chaos gets swept away. The next morning, after you apologize to your parents for your past behavior, you’ll wake up to see the tree, now with decorations re-arranged by your kids, basking in twinkling lights, their eyes filled with delight. In that moment, you’ll forget why you were so irritated the night before. That, my friends, is the essence of Christmas magic.
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In summary, the chaos of decorating the Christmas tree is a rite of passage that, while stressful, ultimately leads to the heartwarming moments we cherish the most.