Ah, the season’s upon us! The 2016 Goop Holiday Gift Guide is finally here, and it promises to entertain, bewilder, and perhaps make you feel a little less wealthy. It’s a time-honored tradition, after all. Each year, Gwyneth Paltrow curates an extravagant list of gifts that most of us can only dream of affording, inviting the internet to poke fun at her apparent disconnect from reality.
This year, Gwyneth has outdone herself, labeling the priciest items in her lineup as “The Ridiculous But Awesome Gift Guide,” which sounds suspiciously like “Look at how luxurious our lives are.” So, let’s dive into this delightful absurdity together, shall we?
Luxury Leather Bicycle: $2,995
“Get ready to saddle up!”—as if you can afford this $3,000 leather bike anyway. Goop doesn’t mind if you don’t get the joke; you’re already out of their league.
Sublimotion Dining Experience: Price Unknown
We attempted to make a reservation to uncover the cost of this mysterious dining experience, but the server seemed to recognize our status as “painfully middle class” and barred us from proceeding. The term “sublimotion” isn’t even a real word, but sublimation refers to being “raised to a higher status.” How clever.
Vintage Limoges Banana Box: $395
Sorry, folks! This one is already sold out.
Custom Pet Pendant: $6,850
Why not dress up your furry friend and commission a portrait, followed by this extravagant $7,000 necklace? Alternatively, you could just toss a pile of cash into a fire and enjoy a good laugh. Your call.
Microsoft Hololens Development Kit: $3,000
“HPU processes data at lightning speed, allowing you to interact with holograms.” Right… we’re not quite sure what that means either.
Groovyyurts Super Ger 20′ Yurt: $8,300
Why settle for a tent when you can have a luxurious yurt? Gwyneth insists that “glamping” doesn’t even begin to cover it.
Toothpaste: $120
Good news: this is within reach! Bad news: it’s just toothpaste. Gwyneth humorously notes that this is meant to pair with last year’s $100 chrome toothpaste squeezer, which now seems like a steal.
Oh, Gwyneth, never change.
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Summary: The 2016 Goop Holiday Gift Guide is a comically extravagant list of items that leave many feeling bewildered and broke. From a $3,000 leather bike to a $6,850 pet pendant, Gwyneth Paltrow’s curated selection highlights a disconnect from everyday reality, yet provides amusement for those who follow along.