When I was around 10 years old, my brother appeared on the evening news after we both attended a local event that garnered some attention. As our family gathered to watch the broadcast that night, everyone erupted with excitement upon seeing him on screen—everyone except me. I angrily retreated to another room, feeling a wave of resentment wash over me.
Why was he the one in the spotlight? Why couldn’t I have that moment? Was I not good enough?
I sulked for a bit until my parents found me. Once they understood my moodiness, they offered a moment of sympathy before reminding me that we were a family and should celebrate each other’s successes. My brother’s brief moment of fame—if you could even call it that, given it was just local news in a small Wisconsin town—didn’t diminish my own worth or capabilities.
I wish I could say their encouraging words changed everything for me and that I’ve never felt the sting of envy again, but that wouldn’t be true. Just recently, I noticed another mom at school sporting the trendiest leggings I’d ever seen. I couldn’t help but feel envious of her effortless style. While she looked polished and put together at 8:45 AM, I was in old sweatpants with a messy ponytail, and I even envied her impeccable figure.
As we grow older, many find that a carefree attitude develops. I care less about fitting in with the “cool crowd” and have learned to deflect negativity like a pro. Most days, I feel comfortable in my skin, and occasionally, I even embrace the idea of being a beautiful badass. However, I can’t claim to be completely free from self-doubt or envy. The truth is, these feelings are fundamentally human, and anyone who claims they never experience them is probably not being truthful. We all grapple with self-doubt and envy at times—even those who seem to have it all together.
I consider myself to be in the “working on it” phase. I’m learning to navigate through the prickly feelings of jealousy, but there’s still plenty of room for growth. One important lesson I’ve picked up is that trying to ignore or suppress these feelings often makes them worse. Instead of dissipating, they can morph into a toxic mix of jealousy, anger, and shame. Acknowledging these feelings is crucial for moving past them.
A few months back, I watched a candid video featuring Rebecca Stokes where she admitted to feeling envious of a friend who landed a gig she also wanted. It was comforting to realize that even the most accomplished individuals experience self-doubt and envy, which made me feel less guilty about my own feelings towards that mom’s leggings or my colleague’s recent promotion.
While admitting envy is one thing, acting on it is another. Stokes wisely suggests sharing your feelings with someone, but advises against letting those feelings dictate your actions. “I would never dim someone else’s light to brighten my own,” she states. In other words, don’t be unkind.
As clichéd as it may sound, practicing gratitude and kindness can help immensely. We’ve all heard the phrase “count your blessings” when feeling down, and while it can be frustrating to hear in the moment, it’s genuinely solid advice. When I take a moment to appreciate the good things in my life—perhaps while baking cookies for my family—I often find that doing something nice for others helps lift me out of my funk. Plus, a little praise for my cookie-making skills is always welcome! And let’s be honest, cookie dough is like a warm hug.
Interestingly, once I process the murky feelings of envy and self-doubt, I often uncover valuable lessons within that mess. Complimenting that stylish mom at school might lead me to discover where she shops for her leggings (spoiler: they’re likely from LuLaRoe), and reflecting on a coworker’s achievements may give me the motivation I need to up my own game.
When all else fails, I channel my inner Stuart Smalley with some self-affirming pep talks. It may sound cheesy, but we all have our unique strengths, and there’s more than enough good fortune to go around. We’re all in this together, and as Stokes concludes in her video, “There’s always a place for you because no one else is quite like you.”
In essence, we are all beautiful badasses—never forget it!
Further Reading
For further insights on navigating your fertility journey, you can check out this blog post. Additionally, for those looking into cancer treatments, this resource offers valuable information. If you’re exploring different fertility treatments, WebMD is an excellent resource to guide you through your options.
Summary
This article explores the universal feelings of self-doubt and envy that even the most confident individuals face. Through personal anecdotes, it emphasizes the importance of acknowledging these feelings and finding constructive ways to cope. It encourages readers to embrace their uniqueness and offers practical advice on fostering gratitude and kindness to combat negative emotions.