Recently, I received a message from a woman I know only online. The subject was alarming: “I believe I’m an unfit mother.” With concern, I opened it immediately.
The email contained sentiments like these: I adore my children, but there are times I find them unbearable. I feel miserable. My husband and I rarely connect emotionally. I strive to instill values in my kids; they behave decently in public, yet at home, they seem uncontrollable. They lack manners and often tell me, “You’re the worst mom ever.” I’ve tried various strategies—positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, you name it—and nothing seems effective. I feel like a failure, convinced my children deserve better and that I’ve ruined their lives.
Wow. Really? If that qualifies as being unfit, then we’re all in the same boat!
I know I’m not the only parent who has exclaimed, “You wouldn’t dare speak to your teacher like that! I’m your mother! I care for you! You can’t treat me this way! You know better!” As a former teacher, I often had parents remark, “If only you saw them at home!” after praising their child’s good behavior.
Deep down, we all desire the same outcome: we want our children to grow up to be kind, responsible, and compassionate. We want them to thrive and contribute positively to society. When they do, parenting becomes more enjoyable, and we feel like we’re fulfilling our roles to the best of our abilities.
The most significant creation you will ever make is your child—especially for mothers, as you nurtured them within you. When they arrive, they are perfect, innocent, and unblemished. But then reality kicks in. The challenge isn’t just bringing them into the world; it’s about raising them.
Once your child is here, the real work begins. Shaping their behavior is incredibly demanding and exhausting. You might think you’re instilling the right values, but sometimes you might not be. And the longer it takes to correct any missteps, the harder it becomes.
I often share happy moments of my kids on social media—those instances when they are cooking, reading, or cooperating. Why? Because it feels rewarding when they reflect the lessons I’ve tried to impart. It’s akin to when a child proudly presents their artwork, seeking validation.
When we invest effort into something, we naturally want to showcase it, especially when those successes might only represent a fraction of our reality. The truth is, the other 90% of the time isn’t picture-perfect. For many of us, 50% of the time can be downright overwhelming.
That’s when exhaustion sets in. You might know you shouldn’t let your kids binge-watch cartoons on a school night or feed them snacks for dinner. You might realize you should have brushed their teeth or given them a bath, but you settle them in bed without doing either because you’re just too drained. Yet, no one posts those moments online. But believe me, they happen.
During a recent vacation, chaos erupted as we were trying to leave for the beach. Every child experienced a meltdown: one had sunscreen in her eyes, another couldn’t find his basketball, and yet another just didn’t want to go. It was utter pandemonium, and I’m sure neighbors were close to calling the authorities. It was far from a social media moment.
My kids understand the difference between right and wrong. They know hitting is unacceptable. They know what’s expected of them. Sometimes they meet those expectations, and during those moments, I feel accomplished. Other times, like during that vacation fiasco, I question my parenting abilities, and those moments happen more frequently than I’d like to admit.
Kids inherently test boundaries. They push limits to see what they can get away with. In those challenging times, it’s essential to hold on and ride out the storm. There will come a moment when things calm down, and you’ll have the energy and patience to try a new approach.
Until then, remind yourself that your children are not doomed for life, and you are not a failure as a mother. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s survival. Sometimes, just keeping everyone safe and healthy is enough. That doesn’t make you unfit; it makes you human.
If you’re interested in exploring fertility options as part of your journey into motherhood, check out this post on boosting fertility supplements, or learn about freezing sperm for future use. For more information about pregnancy and home insemination, refer to this excellent resource on intrauterine insemination.
Summary
Parenting is a challenging journey filled with ups and downs. It’s easy to feel inadequate, but remember, every mom has tough days. Embrace the chaos, focus on survival, and know that you’re not alone in this struggle.