I was chatting with my friend Rachel one afternoon about the whirlwind of life with three children. As I recounted the pandemonium of juggling their schedules, emotional needs, and developmental phases—while also nurturing my relationship, managing finances, and balancing my career—Rachel chuckled gently. “Well, dear,” she said, “You were aware this job wasn’t going to be easy when you signed up for it.” While Rachel means well and often shares this sentiment, it doesn’t quite capture my experience. Sure, I was aware that motherhood would be demanding, but I never imagined it would be this demanding.
Honestly, just the lack of sleep could leave anyone feeling overwhelmed. Our youngest is now seven, so we’ve moved past the regular nighttime wake-ups, but I often feel like I’m still recovering from years of disrupted sleep. With the kids getting older and staying up later, I often find myself sacrificing sleep for some much-needed alone time in the evenings.
Then there’s the challenge of striking a balance between being a present mother and prioritizing self-care. I don’t know a single mom who doesn’t grapple with the feeling of being pulled in multiple directions at once. We’ve all heard the saying that you can’t fill someone else’s cup if yours is empty, yet there are moments when your children need you before you can even catch a breath. Mothers are incredibly resourceful, often discovering strengths we never knew we possessed, but it comes with a toll.
Don’t misunderstand me; being a mom is a beautiful journey. I adore my children, cherish the family my partner and I have built, and wouldn’t trade it for anything. Yet, that doesn’t negate the fact that it can be incredibly tough. Motherhood is a complete life transformation; you willingly sacrifice your energy, emotional bandwidth, and even parts of your identity for the sake of your children. While you have some awareness of this going in, the full realization of what it entails doesn’t hit until you’re deep in the fray.
What caught me most off guard is the relentless nature of parenting. Once you take on the role of a parent, there’s no real respite. Sure, you can take a break from your kids, but even when you’re apart, you remain their parent in your heart and mind. You worry, you think about them constantly, and there’s always that nagging “What if…” lingering in the back of your mind. You can step away physically, but there’s no escaping the role you’ve embraced.
From the moment you become a mother, you embark on a roller coaster ride with no end. It’s exhilarating and joyful at times, yet can also be dizzying and scary. There are moments you might feel like shouting, “Someone get me off this ride!” But deep down, you don’t really want to exit; you just crave a pause to collect yourself and breathe. Unfortunately, that moment rarely comes.
The real challenge, however, lies not just in motherhood itself, but in managing all the other facets of life alongside it. I am not merely a mom; I’m also a wife, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a career professional, and an individual with my own aspirations and dreams that exist outside of my role as a mother. However, the moment you have children, you realize that nothing remains untouched by motherhood. It impacts every aspect of your life—a truth I didn’t fully grasp before having kids.
So how do we carve out time and energy for all these different identities? How do we prevent ourselves from becoming so stretched thin that we manage to get by but excel at nothing? Is this a modern motherhood phenomenon where we feel compelled to do it all, or is it just my experience?
Having been a mother for over 16 years, you’d think I’d have some clarity on these issues, but the truth is that while parenting can become easier as children grow, it also presents new challenges. I suppose I didn’t anticipate that either.
I don’t mean to sound like I’m complaining. I cherish motherhood and have no regrets about becoming a parent. However, I wish I had a clearer understanding of how tough the journey would be before diving in, all starry-eyed and hopeful. I wish I had recognized sooner the importance of self-care and that taking time for myself would sometimes feel like a sacrifice. I also wish I had learned to offer myself grace earlier—grace to be imperfect, to let go of guilt, and to accept that I may not accomplish everything I aspire to.
Motherhood is undeniably hard—harder than most people realize. While we shouldn’t dwell excessively on the struggles, we also shouldn’t dismiss them. If certain days feel overwhelmingly difficult, it’s because they are. Yes, we understood the job was challenging when we accepted it, but no one can truly prepare for the full scope of that reality.
So, to all the mothers out there, practice patience with yourselves. Show kindness to yourselves. Recognize the difficulties and allow yourselves grace for navigating them. You are achieving more than you might realize.
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In summary, motherhood is an intricate tapestry woven with challenges and joys, often beyond what we are prepared for. Embrace the journey, prioritize self-care, and acknowledge the hard work you put in every day.