Recently, a few friends and I engaged in a discussion about the upcoming transition of their high school seniors to college. We touched on topics like empty nest syndrome, the anxiety of selecting a major, and the daunting reality of financing it all. As someone who is still a few years away from sending my oldest off to college, these conversations have been enlightening.
One friend mentioned her child plans to attend college without a declared major, which honestly left me a bit shocked. Reflecting on my own experience at 18, I can’t fathom telling my parents, “I’m not sure what I want to do; let me figure it out while I enjoy dorm life.” I always had aspirations of becoming a nurse, so my decision was relatively straightforward. I was also mindful of the financial burden my parents faced with two more siblings to send to college. I made it a priority to complete my degree on time, understanding it was not only my future at stake.
While I can hardly imagine the emotional rollercoaster I’ll experience when we help our son settle into his dorm, I’ve also acknowledged the financial commitment involved in securing his education. With our daughter following a few years later, we face a significant expense. Essentially, we could choose to purchase a new Tesla each year for eight years, or fund two college degrees. As a responsible adult, I’ll opt for my children’s education, even if the Teslas are tempting.
My husband and I established college savings accounts almost immediately after our children were born. We agreed early on to cover their tuition, as both of our families supported us through college. We believe in giving our children the same opportunity. We have consistently saved and invested any monetary gifts they’ve received, and thankfully, their college funds are growing well.
However, there is a crucial caveat to our financial support: they must have a clear plan for their future before we commit to paying their tuition. I refuse to finance years of college just for my child to spend time partying and trying to “find themselves.” My husband and I have worked diligently for over a decade to save this money, and I won’t allow a wishy-washy teenager to waste it.
When I share these thoughts with friends, they often chuckle, saying I sound like the overbearing father from the movie Some Kind of Wonderful. In that film, the dad has meticulously mapped out his son’s college plans, much to the dismay of his artistic offspring. He pressures his son to pursue a degree that he never had the chance to achieve, only to see the funds squandered on diamond earrings and a date with the school’s most popular girl. The father is left questioning where he went wrong.
But I’m not that kind of parent. I’m not imposing a specific career on my children or living through them as they explore their paths. I simply believe that while I may have the financial means to support their education, I won’t let them waste that opportunity. I will gladly assist in getting them where they need to be, but they must have a well-defined vision for their future.
Today, too many kids are given the freedom to “find themselves” without being held accountable. Many parents have relaxed their standards, inadvertently raising a generation that feels entitled. My kids are not entitled to my financial support any more than I should dictate their career choices. It’s a partnership that requires input from both sides to ensure a meaningful education that translates into real-world success.
As the college years approach, we will engage our kids in conversations about their passions, preferred locations, and what brings them joy in life. I plan to take them to various college campuses and share stories from my own college experiences.
And while I’ll likely shed a few tears as I help him unpack in that tiny, expensive dorm room, those tears will be for missing him, not for the Tesla I could have bought instead. Mostly.
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