The Pecapplekin Pie is culinary madness.
Have you ever, post-Thanksgiving feast, looked at the dessert choices and thought, “Wouldn’t it be great to combine all these pies into one?” No? Well, someone definitely has. Enter the monstrosity known as Pecapplekin Pie. Seriously, we need to stop this.
In a baffling twist, PEOPLE asks, “Why pick between pecan, apple, and pumpkin pie this Thanksgiving when you can have all three in one?” The truth is, nobody is choosing; we all just take a sliver of each! That’s the established norm.
This dessert disaster feels like a chaotic fusion of cooking shows gone haywire, akin to attending a rave with an over-caffeinated Betty Crocker. Take a breather, Betty; hydrate yourself.
Traditionally, diners enjoy a small piece of every pie after the meal, often saying they can’t possibly eat more. But let’s be real, they end up devouring every crumb. If everyone simply mashed all their favorites together at the table, it would lead to utter chaos. Were you raised by wolves, PEOPLE?
For instance, it’s perfectly acceptable to take leftovers and create a turkey smoothie the next day—mixing turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and gravy into a bowl. That’s fine because you’re alone. However, doing this at the Thanksgiving table is simply not acceptable. Just enjoy your food, neatly arranged on your plate.
There’s no need to invent convoluted ways to cram more food varieties into our mouths simultaneously. The Thanksgiving dessert array is perfect as is: pumpkin pie, apple pie, and pecan pie—all delicious in their own right. Let’s not disrupt perfection. No one asked for your turduckin, nor do they want your Pecapplekin Pie!
This article was originally published on November 22, 2016.
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In summary, Pecapplekin Pie represents an unnecessary culinary experiment that threatens the sanctity of traditional Thanksgiving desserts. Instead of merging pies, let’s appreciate each one for its unique flavors and textures.