It was simply immaculate. The palette consisted of beige, white, and a gentle blush pink. The window was adorned with pastel bunting, the plush armchair rocked invitingly, and the crib harmonized with every element in the room. It seemed like the perfect lighting was strategically captured, as if this space had emerged straight from Pinterest into reality. During an early morning scroll through Facebook, I paused to chuckle softly at the new parents and their seemingly endless time and creativity. Then, almost instantly, a wave of envy washed over me.
For starters, she had a crib. My partner and I didn’t even have one, let alone a matching set. We knew our son would be joining us in our bed from day one, so we opted for a co-sleeper attached to our cluttered, un-Pinterest-worthy queen-sized bed.
We planned to use cloth diapers, so we skipped the cute diaper cake at our baby shower. In fact, we didn’t even have a baby shower since we lived far from family and our friends were all struggling graduate students. We did manage to repurpose an old wet bar into a changing table, but it was more about practicality than cuteness. The mismatched rocker we found on sale at a big box baby store certainly didn’t help the aesthetic. We essentially shoved all the baby gear into a yellow room we didn’t bother to repaint, alongside a dresser from a deceased relative and some Dr. Seuss decals.
I believe we made the right choices for our family. I’m not one for Pinterest perfection, and frilly ribbons make me cringe. I also can’t justify spending money on elaborate baby bedding sets. Still, there’s a part of me that mourns the absence of a picture-perfect pregnancy and my son’s not-so-perfect babyhood. This sorrow often manifests as intense jealousy; stunning nurseries make me seethe, while diaper cakes make me feel irritable.
There was nothing Pinterest-like about my pregnancy experience. I dealt with nausea and prenatal depression, often spiraling into panic attacks fueled by sweet tea from a popular fast-food chain. With these challenges and a midwife urging me to manage my blood sugar, I never experienced that so-called pregnancy “glow.”
I know I’m not alone in this. A quick Google search for “percentage of people who hate being pregnant” leads to a wealth of articles discussing the stigma around expressing these feelings. Research indicates that between 14-23% of women endure some form of depression during pregnancy. That’s a significant number of women who aren’t prioritizing nursery decor, let alone enjoying baby showers.
As the depression subsides or gets treated, new parents often find themselves holding their baby and reflecting on their lives. They see those immaculate Pinterest nurseries and wonder why they didn’t create something similar. The radiant smile on the pregnant mother’s face can seem like a smug reminder of what you lacked. She glows; you don’t. While you may know that those perfectly arranged toys will hardly be touched, the theme still stands out. You had no theme—just a room filled with items hoping for the best.
I recognize that social media doesn’t reflect real life. That pristine nursery will soon face the realities of parenthood: baby messes, leaks, and sleepless nights. The mother will inevitably find herself cleaning and caring for her baby repeatedly. She might dress her child in a pristine outfit, complete with an oversized bow, only for the baby to have a messy explosion. I take solace in knowing that we’ve all been there.
Yet, I can’t shake the longing for that Pinterest nursery. It symbolizes a moment when parenthood feels like a beautiful dream: the gentle kicks of the baby inside you, the whimsical thoughts of tea parties, and the excitement of milestones yet to come. Some parents experience these moments; others do not. For those who missed out, it’s perfectly valid to feel a mix of emotions, even if it seems ugly or painful. So, let the envy flow, but remember—it’s a reflection of your journey, not merely the curated nursery showcased online.
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In summary, while I may not comprehend the appeal of picture-perfect nurseries, I can’t deny the pangs of jealousy for those who had them. Parenthood is a journey filled with ups and downs, and it’s okay to feel envy at times. What matters is embracing our unique experiences, messy as they may be.