About a year ago, my son, Leo, came rushing into the house on his rollerblades. He had just been outside, joyfully spraying himself with the hose, wearing his school polo and khaki shorts, completely soaked and yelling with glee. As he entered, he announced he needed to use the bathroom.
I was on the couch folding laundry when I heard the squelch of his rollerblades against the kitchen floor. “Leo,” I called out. “Could you please take off those rollerblades and dry off first?” It was clear to me that I wanted to protect our floors, but more importantly, I recognized that trying to pee while wearing wet rollerblades required a level of balance and focus that an eight-year-old simply didn’t possess. Honestly, even as an adult, I doubted I could manage it without a mishap.
Despite my warning, Leo, with a confident stride and his head held high, marched towards the restroom, dismissing my advice. He was nearly through the hallway when I called out again, “Buddy! Do you really think you can handle going to the bathroom in rollerblades? You might hurt yourself!”
“I really have to go, Dad,” he replied, but I wasn’t convinced. I knew he was just being lazy and didn’t genuinely need to rush. I could have easily stepped in, removed the rollerblades, dried him off, and guided him to the restroom, but I chose a different path. I wanted him to understand the consequences of his actions.
I’ve heard the phrase “Let your children make their own choices” countless times, but as a parent, I find it incredibly challenging. After a decade of fatherhood and now with three children, I’ve intervened numerous times to prevent them from facing the fallout of their decisions. I’ve swooped in to stop them from jumping off beds or to ensure they complete school projects to avoid poor grades. Yet, as I grow older, I’m learning to step back and allow my children to face the natural consequences of their actions.
The struggle lies in my relative youth as a parent; I haven’t yet witnessed the full arc of my children learning from their mistakes. There are moments when I warn them about dangerous behavior, and they persist, getting hurt only to repeat the same actions. At times, it feels like I’m the lone voice of reason amidst chaos, imploring them to steer clear of impending disasters. I worry they might not live long enough to learn from their missteps.
In social settings, when they act rudely or embarrassingly, I hope their friends will correct them. When they don’t, I find myself questioning whether they’ll ever realize their behavior is unacceptable, making me feel like I should step in more often.
As Leo locked the bathroom door, I felt a mix of hope and doubt—hoping he’d glean a valuable lesson but wondering if he would. This encapsulates the challenge of teaching natural consequences; there’s no guaranteed method for instilling wisdom in our children.
Reflecting on this, I remembered my own childhood. My mother often reprimanded me for my antics like running around in my underwear or consuming junk food. I made the same foolish choices as Leo. She employed a variety of tactics—advice, intervention in genuinely dangerous situations, and allowing me to learn from my misjudgments when appropriate.
This moment with Leo resonates with me because I asked him not to do something foolish, explained why, and then let him navigate the situation.
I heard the toilet seat lift, followed by a hard thud. I wasn’t sure how badly he fell or if he was in the midst of his business, but he was in there long enough for me to grow concerned. When he finally emerged, still wet from his earlier escapades, it was hard to tell if he had an accident. His eyes glistened with tears, and his upper lip quivered. Clutched in both hands were his rollerblades. The fatherly urge to lecture him was strong, yet I held back. It was clear he had learned a lesson.
“Are you okay?” I asked, but he didn’t offer an explanation. He simply nodded. “Next time, will you take off your rollerblades first?” He nodded again and headed back outside.
In the realm of parenting, it is crucial to strike a balance between guiding our children and allowing them to experience the natural consequences of their actions. By doing so, we help them grow, learn, and ultimately make better decisions in the future. For more insightful discussions on parenting, consider checking out our other post about home insemination kits, which offers valuable resources for those looking to expand their families. You can also find expert advice on family health at Hopkins Medicine. Don’t forget to explore Granola Bars for healthy snack ideas!
In summary, allowing children to learn from their mistakes through natural consequences fosters growth and understanding, even when it feels challenging. As parents, it’s essential to navigate this delicate balance for their development.