A popular quote from actor Matthew McConaughey resonates with many parents: “The best thing you can do as a father is to show your children how you love their mother.” As a father of three, and someone who experienced the fallout of a broken home, I can attest to the truth of this statement.
I witnessed my father abandon my mother after confessing to an affair. I vividly remember the chaos of that day, with my mother sitting in the family car, tears streaming down her face, while my father hastily packed his belongings. The sounds of slamming doors, muffled sobs, and the rumble of his car engine created a haunting silence that still lingers in my mind. I never want my children to endure such pain or uncertainty about my love for their mother.
The troubling reality is that, having grown up in an era where walking out on a family became more normalized, I often question my own abilities as a husband and father. This uncertainty isn’t unique to me; many parents from similar backgrounds share this struggle. Yet, what I’ve come to understand is that the way I treat my wife directly influences our children. My kids, aged nine, seven, and two, are perceptive and aware of the dynamics between us. Even though my wife, Sarah, and I don’t argue often, they can sense the disruption when we do.
Conversely, they also recognize the importance of our date nights. When we return, they eagerly inquire about our evening, wanting to hear all the details of where we dined and what we enjoyed. I strive to buy Sarah flowers once a month; this simple gesture has a profound impact on our kids. I want my son, Ben, to see me showing affection to his mother—a lesson I didn’t learn from my own father. I want him to understand the significance of maintaining romance in a long-term relationship. For my daughters, I want them to expect that same level of care and attention in their future partnerships.
I refuse to let them feel as lost as I did. It’s crucial that they understand what a healthy marriage looks like and know that I love their mother deeply. To achieve this, I need to demonstrate my love through my actions consistently.
Love is an active commitment. It involves regular expressions of affection—whether that’s sending a thoughtful text, sharing a hug, or simply spending quality time together. Love means stepping up to help when your partner needs a break and finding compromises that work for everyone involved.
Apologizing and admitting fault in front of our children is also an essential part of this. Each time I tell Ben that I love his mother, he rolls his eyes, as if it’s the most obvious fact in the world. But I cherish this nonchalance, as it signifies a secure foundation for him. No matter the circumstances, he knows he has two parents who genuinely care for one another and for him. This reassurance is especially vital for children, especially those like me who come from fractured families.
If a father neglects to show his love for the mother of his children, what message is he sending? In my father’s case, it was one of indifference and avoidance—the silence that follows the disintegration of love. It took me years of my own marriage to grasp the shortcomings of my parents’ relationship and to understand what I needed to do to be a better husband and father.
Fathers, I urge you: your marriage and family life will flourish when you express your love through actions. This is the essential maintenance that keeps a family functioning smoothly, allowing children to feel secure and comfortable in their home environment. It’s the most worthwhile investment you can make.
For more insights into family dynamics, consider exploring resources like CDC’s information on assisted reproductive technology for a deeper understanding of the journey towards parenthood. And if you’re curious about home insemination options, check out our guide on the home insemination kit. For further reading on achieving success in insemination, visit Intracervical Insemination.
In summary, fathers must prioritize showing love for their partners through consistent actions, creating a nurturing and supportive environment for their children. This foundation of love not only strengthens the family unit but also sets a positive example for the next generation.