It seems like every day, my children are on my case about expanding our family. While I appreciate their enthusiasm, adding another child isn’t in our plans. Yet, their persistent inquiries are nothing compared to the unsolicited comments and questions I receive from others.
Why is it that parenting seems to grant people permission to pry into matters that don’t concern them? Why do decisions about family size provoke such strong opinions? And how can we curb the relentless questioning surrounding family dynamics?
When faced with innocent inquiries like “Is this your only child?” or “Are these all your kids?” it’s easy to respond politely. However, questions that follow, such as “Have you considered adoption?” or “Are you against birth control?” can feel intrusive and downright rude.
Regardless of whether a family is large or small, it’s truly none of our business. There are often deep and complex reasons behind someone’s family size that we may never understand. For instance, during my journey to conceive my second child, every time someone asked if we were planning to have more kids, it felt like a punch to the gut. I wanted to scream, “You have no idea how desperately I want another baby! I’m terrified that I won’t be able to have more, and I’m exhausted from this uncertainty!” Instead, I simply responded with, “Yes, I hope so.”
Consider my friend Sarah, who has one child. When she and her husband contemplated adding to their family, she received a cancer diagnosis. After enduring multiple rounds of chemotherapy and being placed on a long-term medication, the possibility of having more children slipped away. The ongoing questions and comments about her family size are like salt on an open wound.
These examples aren’t rare; the unsolicited advice on family planning is pervasive. Strangers feel free to offer their opinions on the street, while social media is rife with people pushing for larger families or criticizing those who choose otherwise. Discussions about an “ideal” family size seem to blur the line between friendly advice and judgmental commentary.
So how about we try this: let’s stop commenting on family size altogether. Let’s refrain from pressuring childless couples to have kids. Let’s not tell parents of only children they’re depriving their kids of siblings. Let’s stop suggesting adoption or alternative fertility methods like essential oils without being asked. Ultimately, who are we to judge such deeply personal decisions?
Families vary widely for many reasons, and we can never truly know the complexities behind someone’s choice about how many children to have. Perhaps our urge to comment stems from curiosity, misplaced confidence, or even discomfort with our own decisions. If we focused less on the choices of others, we might find ourselves feeling more secure about our own.
If you’re looking for more information on family-building options, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination at UCSF’s Center. Additionally, for those exploring self-insemination, see our other post on home insemination kits. For holistic approaches to fertility, this article on acupuncture might offer valuable insights.
In summary, let’s be mindful and respectful of the personal choices surrounding family size. Rather than focusing on others, we should embrace our own journeys and decisions.