Religion has always been a part of my life. Growing up in a Roman Catholic household, marrying into a Lutheran family, and now exploring the teachings of Buddha and the Tao, I’ve had a diverse spiritual journey. Yet, I don’t identify as religious in the traditional sense. I believe that no single doctrine holds all the answers, and I find organized religion’s institutional nature troubling.
When I became pregnant with my daughter in the fall of 2012, my husband and I faced some challenging decisions about her upbringing—particularly about religion. The first time we discussed it, our child was still as small as a Brussels sprout.
“You’ll have the baby baptized, right?” a family member asked.
I took a deep breath, knowing I needed to articulate my thoughts carefully. “Actually, we’re not planning on that. Jason and I have agreed to let our child explore spirituality and religion on her own terms.”
That response didn’t go over well. The ensuing silence was thick with tension. I braced myself for the reactions I anticipated—anger, disappointment, maybe even tears. But what came next was a shocker.
“But if you don’t baptize her, what if something happens? Unbaptized babies go to Hell, you know?”
I couldn’t believe it. Instead of reacting with anger, I smiled politely and decided to revisit the topic later. Over the next nine months, we had this conversation multiple times.
Today, however, that subject is rarely, if ever, mentioned. Time has helped ease concerns. According to theological insights, like those from Pope Benedict, there’s a reasonable hope that children who pass away without baptism can still attain heaven. More importantly, my daughter has blossomed into a remarkably kind, thoughtful, and empathetic individual.
At just three years old, she embodies politeness, compassion, and an understanding of fairness.
Interestingly, a 2015 study published in Current Biology compared the moral behaviors of 1,100 children from Christian, Muslim, and irreligious backgrounds using a game involving sharing stickers. The findings indicated that children raised without religion were often more generous than their peers from religious households. The research suggested that children from religious backgrounds tended to share less, possibly due to a phenomenon known as “moral licensing,” where individuals might feel morally superior because of their religious practices.
While I cannot generalize these findings to all children, I can confidently say that my daughter is generous and loving. She is that child at the park who readily shares her toys and snacks. When she sees someone in distress, she offers them a tissue or a hug. She understands the importance of kindness and manners—not because of religious texts, but simply because she knows it’s the right thing to do.
Selflessness, gratitude, and empathy are values that extend beyond religion; they are inherent human qualities. While many find these attributes through religious teachings, they are not exclusive to faith. Essentially, being a good person is less about religious affiliation and more about individual character.
I’m committed to raising my daughter to be the best person she can be. If you want to learn more about paths to parenthood, consider checking out this home insemination kit, as well as expert insights into overcoming vaginismus. For those navigating fertility, the CDC offers valuable information that can be a great resource.
In summary, raising a child without religion does not equate to a lack of morals. My daughter showcases kindness and empathy, proving that good character is cultivated through love and understanding, independent of religious doctrine.