Most parents have experienced it at least once: the dreaded call from school. Whether it’s from the principal or a teacher, the news is rarely good. Your child, who you believe is a perfect angel, has made a mistake serious enough to warrant a phone call.
How do you react? Do you demand all the details? Do you instinctively defend your child before hearing the full story? You might be tempted to ask questions like, “What led them to behave this way?” because it’s hard to accept that your child could do something wrong without provocation. How you address the situation can set the tone for your child’s understanding of accountability.
Receiving that call can feel like a punch to the gut. It’s embarrassing and may lead us to internalize our children’s behavior as a reflection of our parenting skills. While it’s possible that we could improve in some areas, it’s crucial to recognize that the real mistake may lie in our response to their misbehavior. Instead of understanding that mistakes are part of growing up, many parents instinctively want to defend or justify their child’s actions, which often does more harm than good.
So, what should you do when you get that call?
Stay Composed.
The initial news can be shocking, but it’s vital to remain calm. Remember, you are not the one who committed the offense; your child did. Avoid minimizing the situation and approach the teacher or administrator with a cool head. It’s your role to stay composed and not let your child’s actions reflect your insecurities as a parent. Keep in mind that educators also dislike making these calls.
Listen to the Educator.
Take the time to hear the details and get the complete story. Children sometimes lie to evade consequences, so it’s essential to consider that your child may not be entirely truthful. They may downplay their actions, provide excuses, or even omit vital information. Focus on the specific behavior at hand rather than speculating about the reasons behind it — that conversation can happen later.
Trust Your Child Too.
While it’s essential to listen to the educator, it’s equally important to discuss the situation with your child and insist on honesty. They need to take responsibility for their actions. This is a crucial learning opportunity for them, so focus on your child’s behavior, leaving out other kids involved in the incident.
Support the Consequences.
Presenting a united front is vital. If the school imposes a consequence, such as losing recess privileges or writing an apology letter, your child should follow through with that. Avoid negotiating or making exceptions, as this could send conflicting messages. While you can impose additional consequences at home, it’s important not to go overboard unless the infraction is severe.
Discuss Natural Consequences.
If you notice your child is struggling socially, it may be beneficial to discuss natural consequences. For example, if your child finds themselves excluded from games, gently remind them of their behavior that could be causing this. It’s crucial to help them understand that their actions have effects on their relationships with peers.
Develop Strategies.
Sometimes, children misbehave when they feel frustrated or unheard. Identifying the root cause can lead to more effective strategies for managing their behavior. Insecurities and anxieties often contribute to issues at school, but children must still learn acceptable behavior. Collaborating with educators instead of opposing them can help create a positive environment for your child.
Childhood is a time for learning through mistakes, whether they involve fighting, lying, or disrupting class. By reframing our perspective on their behavior and avoiding the trap of equating it with our parenting, we can guide our children toward becoming respectful adults. It’s our responsibility to remain calm and turn these situations into teaching moments rather than excuses for poor behavior.
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In summary, when faced with a call from school about your child’s behavior, it’s essential to stay calm, listen to both teachers and your child, support appropriate consequences, and foster an environment where they can learn from their mistakes.