By: Linda Harper
Updated: Oct. 30, 2019 | Originally Published: Oct. 31, 2016
In recent years, I’ve observed a troubling trend: a group of grouchy individuals is attempting to diminish our cherished holidays. You might not have noticed, as this faction operates in a sneaky fashion.
Every year around this time, these party-poopers seem to target the Big Three (Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas). They despise the joy these holidays bring, but more importantly, they can’t stand the indulgence.
Soon enough, we’re inundated with advice like “stick to the veggie platter.” Excuse me? A veggie tray at a holiday gathering is a slap in the face to all who revel in joy. No matter how many days you cleanse before the event, if you come to MY gathering, you better come ready to feast!
I’m resolutely standing up against these joy-suckers. I envision myself as a modern-day warrior, channeling Mel Gibson’s spirit in Braveheart: “They can take our lives, but they’ll never take our holidays!”
While I agree that some festivities have gone overboard and could use a reality check, if I hear one more request to create a leprechaun trap on St. Patrick’s Day, I might just lose it. I’m focusing on the big three here, and kicking things off with Halloween.
Remember the simpler times? Before social media turned everyone into a self-proclaimed expert and a DIY whiz? Those blissful days when Pinterest didn’t dominate our lives? Back then, people weren’t crafting creepy fingers out of carrots and hummus, or turning clementines and celery into pumpkins. And let’s not even mention those “boo-riffic” bananas! And your veggie skeleton? Let’s just say it doesn’t belong in my Halloween.
In the past, we stuffed ourselves silly with Butterfingers, ghost-shaped marshmallows, candy corn, and a bounty of other delightful, processed treats. Yes, I said processed!
So how do I plan to celebrate Halloween? I’m going back to basics. I’ll teach my kids the ABCs of a true Halloween experience: A) Always trick-or-treat in affluent neighborhoods (it’s a no-brainer). B) Indulge (and continue to indulge). C) Coconut? No thanks, that’s for amateurs. We’re on the hunt for houses that give out Costco-sized candy bars (you heard me right, the whole bar!) and we’ll egg the houses that dare to offer homemade snacks or raisins—because raisins on Halloween could lead to a zombie apocalypse. Absolutely true.
Mommy will ensure that they pick out all her favorites when given the chance (a mom’s gotta benefit!). We’ll munch on goodies as we stroll from house to house for that much-needed energy boost. Once we return home, we’ll dump the haul on the floor, tally it up, and feast some more! I’ll be there for the sugar crash that follows and to comfort them as they crash on the bed after watching Hotel Transylvania well past their bedtime. We are rebels—imagine me with a war paint face!
Sure, the next day, we’ll regain our sense of normalcy. I’ll portion out the candy sensibly and donate the leftover stash to our doctor’s office. We’ll eat healthy and abide by the rules. We’ll re-enter the real world.
But it’s just one day, people. One glorious day! And we’re going to celebrate this holiday the way it was meant to be celebrated.
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In summary, let’s embrace Halloween with joy and indulgence, rejecting the naysayers who want to spoil our fun, while also being mindful of the balance we need in our lives.