When I was ten, I wandered into my aunt’s kitchen in New England and overheard a conversation between her and my mother. Their expressions were a mix of shock and disapproval as they sipped their black coffee. I couldn’t help but listen in as they discussed a certain pop star:
“She’s so inappropriate, performing in that wedding dress,” my aunt remarked.
“And the lyrics! I was mortified when I heard them while driving with the kids,” my mother added.
It was 1984, and they were referring to Madonna’s now-iconic performance of “Like a Virgin” at the MTV Music Awards. To me, Madonna was everything I admired in a singer: her wild hair, her perfect ’80s outfits, and her fearless attitude captivated me. I had no clue what “virgin” even meant, yet I sang along to her songs, brushing my hair like I was on stage.
To my mother’s credit, she never restricted my access to music. In a surprising move, she even tucked the Beastie Boys’ cassette “Licensed to Ill” into my Easter basket that year. She turned a blind eye to the sounds of my teenage bedroom even when they clashed with her beliefs. That’s why I’ve chosen not to censor music for my teenagers today.
Our home is always filled with music. We enjoy it during meals, while cleaning, and in our quiet moments. My husband and I have a wide range of musical interests, leaning towards ’80s hits and country, but we also love the intricate rhythms of jazz and the artistry of rap. Occasionally, the lyrics might be a bit risqué, and yes, my kids might even sing along to songs that would make my mother cringe if she heard them.
My children know every word to Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back” and Tone Lōc’s “Wild Thing.” They’ve heard me belt out Madonna’s “Papa Don’t Preach” and Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On.” We’ve shared laughs and good times teaching them dance moves in the living room, and they often roll their eyes when my husband and I slow dance to our wedding song in the kitchen.
Music is woven into the fabric of our family life, and I confidently believe that a few swear words won’t corrupt them. When they have questions about a song’s lyrics, I answer them honestly. I won’t lie; discussing “my anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got buns, hun” was a bit awkward. Still, that doesn’t mean I’ll change the station when Sir Mix-a-Lot comes on because he reminds me that I can embrace my body, ahem.
Take the “Hamilton: An American Musical” soundtrack, for example. My kids are obsessed with Lin-Manuel Miranda’s lyrical brilliance and listen to it constantly on their iPods. Yes, some lyrics are explicit and contain adult themes, but they’ve developed a deeper understanding of history thanks to Miranda’s work. They get excited when a lesson in school aligns with the lyrics they’ve memorized, and they laugh out loud when King George III is mentioned, thanks to how entertaining the musical makes history. How can it be wrong to overlook a few swear words when it means allowing kids to engage with history in such a unique way?
So no, I won’t be the mom sitting at the kitchen table horrified because my kids are enjoying “I Kissed a Girl” by Katy Perry or “Sexy and I Know It” by LMFAO. Instead, I’ll dance in the kitchen when Robin Thicke sings about “Blurred Lines,” and I’ll definitely crank the volume whenever a P!nk song comes on. The music my kids listen to is no more shocking than what I experienced growing up, and I take pride in fostering an environment where they can experience the culture and diversity that music brings into our lives—even if Sir Mix-a-Lot does make things a little challenging at times.
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In summary, I firmly believe in allowing my children to explore music without censorship. It enriches their lives and opens up avenues for meaningful discussions about culture, history, and self-expression.