One afternoon, my 9-year-old son, Ethan, casually picked his nose and munched on a booger. With a grin, he exclaimed, “Mmmmm.” We were in the backyard weeding—something my partner, Dana, had requested—and to my surprise, Ethan was eager to help.
At this stage of his development, we have become mutual sources of embarrassment for each other. I see him as a scruffy little boy I want to embrace but can’t, while he views me as an overly affectionate dad in cargo shorts whose perspectives on grooming and style are outdated and irrelevant. I often find myself questioning how I’ll transform this messy-haired, booger-eating child into a respectable young man.
“Ethan,” I said, “someday you’ll eat a booger in front of someone you have a crush on. That person will call you disgusting while you think they’re adorable, and it’ll sting so much that you’ll never do it again.”
He rolled his eyes, signaling his typical response to my life advice. We resumed our weeding in silence, and I couldn’t help but wonder how many times he’d indulged in such habits around others. A wave of shame washed over me as I questioned my parenting skills.
Then, unexpectedly, Ethan asked, “Did you ever eat a booger in front of Mom?”
I chuckled. “Nope, I outgrew that before I met your mother. It would have mortified both of us.” I then summoned the courage to ask a question that had lingered in my mind. “Do I embarrass you?”
He pondered for a moment, shuffling his feet and staring at the ground. “Only when you hug me in front of my friends.”
This revelation wasn’t a surprise, as I had already noticed his discomfort. A while back, I dropped him off at school and he dashed away from the car, avoiding any sign of affection. Part of me wished he would have had a close call just to teach him a lesson about the importance of hugs—though I would never want him to be hurt. Instead, I began refraining from public displays of affection. I stopped holding his hand, kissing him, or commenting on his messy hair, saving those moments for the privacy of our home.
“I kind of figured,” I replied. “But I’m not sure why.”
He gave no lengthy explanation about being teased by his peers or wanting to feel more mature. He simply shrugged. So I conceded, “Alright, I won’t hug you in front of your friends anymore. Sound good?”
His relieved smile made me feel a pang of sadness. It felt like a piece of him was slipping away. I reached out for reassurance, asking, “You still love me, right?”
Ethan glanced around the yard, ensuring no one was watching, then obliged me with a quick hug. As he pulled away, he shot me a look that clearly said, “You’re doing it again, Dad.”
“Sorry,” I muttered, and we continued weeding together.
This is the reality of parenting a preteen. As children transition between stages, they begin to distance themselves, often finding their parents unbearably embarrassing. Yet, as all parents know, there’s a special warmth in receiving a hug from your child, even if it’s just in the backyard where no one else can see. For more insights on parenting and home insemination, check out resources like Kindbody and this heartwarming story. For those interested in family planning, this guide offers excellent options for home insemination kits.
In summary, navigating the challenges of raising a preteen is filled with moments of embarrassment and growth, both for the parent and the child. As they start to assert their independence, parents must adapt while cherishing the fleeting moments of affection.