As a first-time parent, I was always there. I mean, I never missed a beat. I attended every school play, baseball game, and music recital, managing my time around toddlers, meal prep, and nap schedules. Why? Because society told me I had to be. What kind of mother skips out on every single activity? Whether I hadn’t slept, had deadlines looming, or was feeling under the weather, nothing mattered more than my presence at those events. Or so I thought.
Then came reality. With three more children, I quickly learned it was no longer feasible to attend all their events. And guess what? The world didn’t come crashing down. They continued to play soccer, dance, and perform without me in the stands.
Did I feel guilty? Absolutely. For years, I let that guilt consume me, convinced that missing out on events meant I was failing as a parent. But here’s the truth: not being at every single event doesn’t equate to failure. Life unfolds, commitments pile up, and sometimes, being absent is inevitable.
You may think you should be able to overcome every obstacle for your kids’ sake, but that’s a myth. The last thing your children need is a burnt-out, resentful parent. I’ve missed countless events, and while I once felt bad about it, I now realize that my absence doesn’t mean I don’t care. I’ve communicated to my kids that my absence is not due to a lack of desire but rather the reality of our busy lives.
So, if you can’t be there for everything, who will? This is where your support network comes into play. The saying “it takes a village” holds true, but it requires active participation. When I recognized that I was juggling too much, I reached out to fellow parents for help. A simple, “I can’t make it to the soccer game today. Could you take my son?” usually gets a yes. People genuinely want to help; you just have to ask. And in return, you can offer assistance when they need it.
Every parent deserves a break, and if that means missing a child’s event, it shouldn’t be met with judgment or guilt. It’s a time to step up and support one another. After all, you’ll likely need someone to step in for you when the time comes.
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In summary, it’s perfectly acceptable not to attend every event in your child’s life. Life happens, and understanding this can help alleviate unnecessary guilt. Remember, you’re not alone, and leaning on your village will only strengthen your parenting experience.