It was a time of mixed emotions—part joy, part confusion, and a whole lot of “What is that incessant thumping?”
Recently, my eldest child transitioned into the chaotic realm of middle school. Now, decked out in a solid-colored polo shirt devoid of logos, he carries a distinct scent, sports a slightly shinier appearance, enjoys a later wake-up time, and unleashes eye rolls with greater frequency when he thinks nobody’s looking. These alterations are the typical indicators of a child on the brink of adolescence. However, the unexpected twist came in the form of his newfound obsession: bottle flipping.
If you’re unfamiliar with bottle flipping, I’d love to know where you’ve been hiding. Perhaps we can share a quiet retreat away from the chaos while indulging in some Indian takeout and vodka martinis. Because, let’s face it, this craze is as omnipresent as the 2016 presidential election, and, unlike that election, it shows no signs of wrapping up anytime soon.
For those living under a rock, bottle flipping involves taking a partially filled plastic water bottle and flipping it in an effort to land it upright. But the reality is, regardless of how the bottle lands, every parent is currently subjected to the relentless thumping of these bottles echoing through their homes, which is a far cry from the previous torment of the recorder.
Not long ago, we hosted a sleepover for my son’s birthday, thinking, “How much worse could five extra boys be?” Little did I know, they were armed with water bottles and a mission to flip them from the second-story loft onto the tile floor below. I suggested they try varying the water levels to create a more melodic experience, but in reality, it was anything but. Instead of a symphony, it was more akin to the sound of a malfunctioning MRI machine.
Things escalated quickly when a few bottles burst, leading me to my most dreaded task: cleaning. I promptly shooed them outside for their flipping endeavors, and I’m certain my neighbors are now questioning my parenting skills.
I vented to a friend with older kids, who responded with the classic “at least it’s not _____” speech, where you can fill in the blank with anything from drugs to clowns. While she had a point—bottle flipping isn’t the end of the world—it has indeed become the soundtrack to my life right now. “Can you please stop flipping that bottle for just one second so I can think?” (silence) Where was I again?
In conclusion, while bottle flipping may not be the worst challenge facing parents today, it is undeniably irritating, serves little purpose, and is akin to the worst case of hiccups imaginable. And let’s be honest: no one enjoys hiccups.
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