Recently, I found myself in a rather surreal parenting scenario. My two children and I were gathered around the kitchen table, casually snacking on graham crackers while the news played softly in the background. Suddenly, my toddler and preschooler started to hit each other. As a mother of two rambunctious boys, breaking up their scuffles is a regular occurrence. “No hitting!” I interjected from across the table. “We don’t hit our siblings.”
At that moment, the unmistakable voice of Donald Trump, the then-Republican presidential nominee, filled the room. “I was gonna hit this guy so hard, his head would spin,” he remarked about a Democratic speaker. Instinctively, I turned off the radio, not wanting his aggressive rhetoric to drown out my attempts to teach kindness and respect.
This is parenting in the era of Trump — striving to instill values in our children while navigating the contradictory behavior of a high-profile public figure. It’s a challenge we face constantly: urging our kids to refrain from name-calling and violence while a presidential candidate hurls insults and mockery at anyone who disagrees with him. I tell my kids to treat others with respect, even as Trump belittles a disabled reporter on television.
The disconnect between the values I teach at home and the actions of a major political figure has more implications than merely creating headlines. We might think we can shield our children from the harsh realities of the world, but in reality, they are absorbing messages from every corner, whether it’s the news on the radio, snippets of press conferences on TV, or overhearing our discussions about the election. Unlike adults, who can critically analyze Trump’s words, children often take his incendiary remarks literally, leading to troubling consequences. For example, in Fairfax County, a mother reported that her son was bullied at school with threats of deportation based on Trump’s rhetoric. The more hostile language they hear, the more they internalize and repeat it.
Even if Trump doesn’t win the presidency, the impact of his divisive language will linger long after election day. His claims of a rigged election and veiled suggestions regarding armed responses to political outcomes could have lasting repercussions on our children’s understanding of societal norms. We cannot overlook the fact that Trump is articulating the frustrations of many who feel left behind in a rapidly changing economy. Yet, his treatment of those who disagree with him raises questions about his empathy. How can he truly advocate for struggling Americans when he resorts to insults, like those directed at a Gold Star mother?
For now, my kids remain blissfully unaware of the political landscape, content to engage in their playful wrestling matches. I don’t mind their roughhousing, but we have established ground rules: no horse-collar tackles, no face-hitting, and definitely no kicking when someone is down. Unfortunately, Trump’s behavior often reflects the opposite of these fundamental principles.
Regardless of who occupies the White House, they will oversee my children’s journey from home to preschool, and then elementary school, where they will learn about the ideals of freedom, justice, and equality. I worry that the lessons they receive will conflict with the divisive climate fostered by figures like Trump, potentially rendering lessons of tolerance and acceptance mere fairy tales.
In this election, we are making a choice that extends beyond selecting a president; we are deciding what kind of discourse we want from our leaders. We must choose whether the values we impart to our children—kindness, accountability, and respect—are lessons for compliant behavior or foundational principles for a harmonious society. If it is the latter, we cannot accept Trump’s behavior as the norm.
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In summary, Donald Trump’s influence on our children’s understanding of kindness and respect is significant. As parents, we must actively counteract the negative messages they may absorb from public figures and reinforce the values we wish to instill.