When you step into the role of a parent, you inevitably become a role model. This often means adjusting your behavior to set a good example for your children. However, a recent book by a cognitive science professor suggests that you might not need to be as strict about your language as you think. In fact, it’s perfectly acceptable to curse in front of your kids.
Benjamin Hargrove, a linguist and professor at UC Davis, has authored a book titled What the F: What Swearing Reveals About our Language, Our Brains, and Ourselves. His research began when he noticed a shift in his own use of profanity after becoming a father. Like many parents, he started to censor his language, worrying that his children might be influenced by what they heard. After all, no one wants to receive a call from school because their child has repeated a few choice words.
However, Hargrove’s findings reveal that context is more important than the words themselves. He distinguishes between harmful slurs—derogatory remarks aimed at others—and everyday profanity. His research indicates that using common cuss words does not lead to negative outcomes such as increased aggression or emotional numbness. While he acknowledges that directing swears at children is abusive, using them in their presence isn’t necessarily detrimental.
Children often hear inappropriate language, whether it’s from their parents, music, or conversations in public. While I often tease my partner about cursing around our kids, it’s not because I believe swearing is inherently wrong—I can certainly hold my own in that department. Instead, I recognize that there are appropriate times and places for such language. We have a responsibility to teach our children the difference between what is acceptable in certain settings and what isn’t. Unlike adults, kids may struggle to understand these nuances; they might not grasp that yelling at a sports game is different from using foul language in a church.
According to the insights shared in Hargrove’s book, as long as you’re not using profanity to insult others, it’s not a big deal to let a few four-letter words slip in front of your children. It’s reassuring to know that there’s scientific evidence supporting a more relaxed view on this topic. While it doesn’t mean you should unleash a torrent of curses during school drop-offs, it does help ease the guilt of the occasional slip-up.
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In summary, research suggests that swearing around children, as long as it’s not directed at them or used in a harmful context, is generally acceptable. This revelation can help parents feel less guilty about their language choices in everyday settings.