Updated: December 1, 2016
Originally Published: September 25, 2016
I can’t exaggerate how much I miss my kids whenever I take a trip. I’ve spent sleepless nights worrying about leaving them, experienced intense anxiety, and even felt physically ill at times. Friends have advised me to loosen up, suggesting it’s not healthy to be so attached, especially for a short getaway, and that I might have control issues. Perhaps they’re right. I don’t analyze why I feel this way; I just embrace my feelings. And still, I go on those trips.
The first time I ventured away from my oldest son, who was just 10 months old, I was quite dramatic. I asked my partner to leave the house with him first, so I wouldn’t feel like I was abandoning him. After that, I sat in my car, feeling nauseated. However, once I let go, that weekend turned out to be a blessing.
We shopped until we were exhausted, indulged in McDonald’s fries while getting manicures, and enjoyed a dinner filled with laughter and live music over glasses of wine. We even went back for ice cream, reminiscing about our wild college days. This became a cherished tradition we repeated year after year.
When my third child was just 6 months old, I found myself on another weekend adventure. While dining at a bustling outdoor restaurant, I shared a table with two women in their late 60s who were also best friends enjoying their time away. They told me they had been taking these trips for two decades, ever since their children grew up. They mentioned how difficult it was back then to leave for a weekend of fun.
Curious, they asked about my kids. I proudly told them about my three little ones, aged 3, 2, and 6 months, who were home with their dad. Their surprised reaction was priceless; they couldn’t believe he was managing on his own.
In that moment, I realized how important these outings with my friend really were. I could have easily dismissed them out of guilt for missing my kids or doubting my husband’s capabilities. However, I keep reminding myself of the following crucial points:
- I deserve this time. Yes, I miss my kids, but I also miss my friend. While those weekends with my children are precious, I can’t overlook the value of spending time with her. We both deserve these moments together.
- It’s worth the effort. Organizing a weekend away takes considerable work, especially for busy parents like us. However, the rejuvenation that comes from these breaks makes the chaos of planning worthwhile. We often return home feeling refreshed, despite the mess.
- It’s beneficial for the family. Our families appreciate us even more when we return. While I play an essential role in their daily lives, both my kids and my partner benefit from bonding time without me. It shows them that I have a life outside of family obligations, which is healthy.
- My partner supports it. He notices the difference in my mood after I’ve had a chance to recharge. He prefers the happier version of me who gets to enjoy life outside of our home.
- I refuse to be the woman who fell off the bench. I don’t want to be the mom who is always present. It’s vital for my family to be able to thrive without my constant presence.
Even though I still feel anxious when I leave, I’ve learned to channel that energy into excitement. These days, my worries stem more from the thrill of shopping without kids or indulging in guilt-free meals. It’s refreshing to take a break from the constant demands of parenting. But when I finally walk through that door and embrace my kids, I mean it with all my heart. I’ve tasted life without them, and while it can be peaceful, I always look forward to embracing the beautiful chaos of family life again.
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Summary:
Missing my kids when I go away doesn’t justify staying home. I’ve learned to embrace trips with friends because they rejuvenate me and ultimately benefit my family. I deserve time for myself, and these adventures help me return home refreshed and ready to engage with my loved ones.