For many years, I found it difficult to accept the idea of failure. The fear of judgment from others weighed heavily on me, and I was hesitant to go against the norms, fearing I might be labeled as a “troublemaker.” Honestly, there was a certain comfort in conformity, and my eldest children seemed to effortlessly meet the societal expectations placed upon them. They thrived academically and complied with every demand I made.
However, after welcoming four new children into our family, it became increasingly clear that my relentless pursuit of achievement was detrimental to them. I gradually learned to embrace the word “no,” which allowed my children the freedom to simply be kids. I recognized that as their parent, it was my responsibility to define the values and standards that mattered most to us—not standardized tests or arbitrary grades.
The turning point came one evening when I was exhausted from pestering my daughter to finish her homework. As I watched her dissolve into tears, I realized I was enforcing my own agenda rather than supporting her learning. Did I truly believe that homework was beneficial? As a former educator, I didn’t agree with the homework expectations for young children, yet I pushed her to comply.
In that moment, I had an awakening. Homework had become a reflection of my own expectations, not hers. Gazing into her tearful eyes, I felt a fierce determination to reclaim my children’s childhood, a realization that extended far beyond just homework. The very next day, I went to the school and informed the teacher that we would not be participating in the homework component of their grades. Upon returning home, I began to critically assess my parenting choices and the messages I was sending to my children.
I penned a letter that I believe encapsulates what children of our time might wish to express: