In my childhood, I grew up in an environment where children were expected to follow rules without question. Discussions were limited, and we attended church every Sunday without fail. My wardrobe was restricted to pristine new jeans for school, and at just ten years old, I was labeled a conservative Republican without truly understanding what that entailed. My sisters and I complied without question, but I swore to myself that I would not replicate that strict parenting style with my own children. I vowed to give them the freedom I craved as a child.
Things changed during my junior high school years when my parents divorced. The atmosphere at home became more relaxed, allowing me to breathe easier. I remember feeling liberated, and it was a change I desperately needed.
As the most outspoken one in my family, I often felt like an oddball. There were times in church where I fantasized about standing on the pew and causing a scene just to see how people would react. I enjoyed stirring the pot, but after becoming a parent myself, I found that I had inadvertently adopted some of the rigidity I had once promised to avoid.
While I always wanted my children to feel free to explore their beliefs and identities, I often found myself getting uptight in public spaces, holding high expectations about their behavior and even overparenting at times. It felt instinctive to be strict, even though I had felt stifled by such an upbringing.
No parent wants to raise a disrespectful child, nor do they want to be the one whose kid embarrasses them in public. I also didn’t want my children to miss out on being themselves. I realized that I was imposing rules that didn’t really matter. Once, while driving to a birthday party, I threatened my son with no cake due to his misbehavior—a harsh punishment for a kind mother who had planned a fun event for the kids.
Finding the right balance in parenting is a challenge that many of us grapple with. The lessons from our own upbringing often shape how we raise our children, leading us to sometimes replicate or completely reject those methods. I’ve done a little of both, and it can be both daunting and liberating to see my children do things I was never allowed to do.
This summer, I made a conscious effort to embrace more freedom in our lives. I loosened my grip on trivial matters, like allowing my kids to drink soda or not insisting on immaculate rooms. My son pointed out my obsession with perfection, and his words struck a chord. I realized I didn’t want him growing up believing that perfection was a necessity. Life is about making mistakes and learning from them, something I had been neglecting as an overbearing parent.
I recognized that many of the rules I enforced were insignificant. Who really cares if beds are made or if I vacuum under the couch? If my kids want to sleep in their clothes to save time, why should that be a problem? I often found myself nagging, and there were moments when I couldn’t stand the sound of my own voice: “Change your clothes,” or “Clean under your fingernails.” But isn’t it natural for adventurous ten-year-olds to get a little dirty while exploring?
I’ve gradually let go of the need to micromanage my children. This doesn’t mean I’m a bad parent or that my kids will turn out poorly; they need their own voices and identities, not just to mirror mine. They’re unique individuals, not programmed robots. If they happen to burp in public, as long as they say “excuse me,” it’s not worth a punishment.
The outdated notion that children should be seen and not heard is fundamentally flawed. I understand that my parents’ strictness stemmed from their own upbringing, yet experiencing those moments of rigidity with my kids reminded me of how it felt to be constrained. I don’t want my children to feel that way constantly. Yes, there will be boundaries, but they shouldn’t be so harsh that my kids feel unable to express themselves. I want them to learn to voice their opinions respectfully and stand up for their beliefs.
I also want them to understand that they don’t have to comply with every request just because someone is older. Sometimes adults make poor decisions and try to convince kids to follow along, even when they sense it’s wrong. I want my children to have the confidence to say “no” when necessary and seek help without hesitation.
I do want them to grow into respectful, responsible adults, and I can achieve that while easing up a bit. So, I’ve taken a step back, focusing on raising good kids without being overly uptight. I can genuinely say that we’re all better off for it—especially me.
In conclusion, parenting is about finding a balance between guidance and freedom. By letting go of unnecessary strictness, we can nurture confident, independent children who feel safe expressing themselves. For those exploring parenthood or enhancing their journeys, resources like Healthline offer excellent information, and intracervicalinsemination.com provides further insights into at-home insemination. Also, check out our post on the artificial insemination kit for more information.