My daughter is just four years old and often finds herself torn between wanting to be a fierce ninja defending the world or a magical princess creating ice castles with a flick of her wrist. She admires these characters for their strength and influence, recognizing them as powerful figures capable of amazing feats. My mission is to ensure that her innate confidence, which shines like a vibrant rainbow cape, remains intact throughout her life. So far, this has not been a challenge (and I welcome any guidance).
However, as time rolls on, my bold and confident daughter will inevitably step into the realm of dating. She may encounter boys who might try to undermine her self-worth. While I will encourage her to navigate her own journey and make decisions—both wise and unwise—I also want to equip her with essential tools to help her recognize when something isn’t right.
To my daughter, as you eventually venture into the world of relationships, here are some crucial insights:
- He should genuinely appreciate you—this is a must. You deserve to feel like the most valued person, not an afterthought or a neglected message.
- Yet, being “too nice” isn’t genuine. He should challenge you when necessary.
- Trust your instincts over fleeting emotions. Hormones can mislead you, but your gut feelings are reliable.
- If you ever sense he is trying to isolate you from friends or family, don’t hesitate: call a ride and move on without looking back.
- Picture yourself at 90, laughing uproariously. If he doesn’t bring joy now, it’s unlikely he will in the future.
- A good partner knows how to apologize, and it’s equally important that you can do the same.
- If he frequently doubts your loyalty, there’s likely a reason his phone is always locked.
- He should prioritize your satisfaction as much as, if not more than, his own.
- Explore various types of people; you may be surprised by who makes you feel truly alive.
- You should be able to engage in deep conversations for hours.
- If he can laugh at himself after a blunder, he’s worth considering.
- Your body, your terms. Period.
- Observe how he treats his mother; this will likely reflect how he’ll treat you. Similarly, pay attention to how his father interacts with his mother; while people can change, these dynamics often shape future relationships.
- If you find yourself feeling worse about yourself since you met him, don’t just walk away—run.
- Always prioritize your own happiness.
- If he plays games in the relationship, redirect your energy elsewhere. There are plenty of genuine people out there.
- Remember, don’t play games either. If he’s not right for you, let him go with kindness.
- Avoid dating your friends’ exes. Even if they say it’s fine, it often isn’t. Friendships are long-lasting and you’ll want them around for future adventures.
- When you’re ready to settle down, think about your life 50 years from now. Consider where you envision yourself, what you want to be doing, and who you want by your side. Does he align with that vision? Do you laugh until noodles come out of your nose when he jokes? Does it matter if he’s bald?
I’m certain I’ll expand on this list over the next 14 or 20 years as you begin dating, but this provides a solid foundation. My ultimate goal is to ensure that no one ever diminishes who you are. And if they can also encourage you to eat your vegetables, that would be a bonus too.
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In summary, equipping my daughter with these life lessons about dating is essential for her to maintain her confidence and well-being. By instilling these principles, I hope to empower her to navigate relationships with clarity and strength.