By: Tom Anderson
Updated: January 5, 2021
Originally Published: September 13, 2016
Attention, Husbands:
When your partner asks how she looks, adhere to these guidelines:
- Give her a thorough once-over.
- Take an adequate amount of time to ensure your response feels genuine.
- Avoid lingering too long, as it may suggest you’re scrutinizing for flaws that either exist or don’t.
- Speak only the truth—nothing but the truth.
- Your response should simply be, “You look amazing!”
Failing to follow these steps may lead to a frantic outfit change, possibly accompanied by a sour mood, and could result in extreme tardiness to your plans. In worst-case scenarios, you might even find yourself needing legal representation.
I’m joking—mostly. Anyone in a serious relationship understands that navigating questions like “Do I look good in this?” and “Does this make me look heavy?” can easily lead to conflicts. It’s a delicate balance between being honest and avoiding hurt feelings.
Men, in particular, often find themselves stuck in a web of white lies. We’ve been conditioned to tread carefully around these topics. While women often express their opinions about their partners freely, men must master the art of flattery to keep the peace.
Occasionally my partner will don a new outfit and ask for my opinion. When I respond with “Great!” or “No, you don’t look heavy,” she often replies with a skeptical, “Really?” It’s not that I’m being dishonest; I genuinely believe she looks wonderful. However, she assumes I might not be truthful, and with good reason. If I were to express any discontent about her appearance, it would unleash a storm of epic proportions.
On the flip side, I find myself subjected to her critiques—be it nudging me to hit the gym, commenting on how a shirt fits, or questioning my latest haircut. The moment I dare to reciprocate, it’s open warfare. She’s not trying to be hurtful, and often her observations are valid. Yet, the imbalance is frustrating, especially since my delayed response to her outfit can spark irritation.
Ultimately, this isn’t a significant issue. I cherish my partner as a companion, a friend, a mother, and a beautiful woman. She possesses a far superior sense of style than I do, and I appreciate her motivation. Regardless of how she dresses or how often she works out, my love for her remains unchanged. Yes, I might not be a fan of those quirky rompers she wears, but I wholeheartedly affirm, “Honey, you look fantastic!”
Why does this double standard persist? I’m not entirely sure. Is it because women are perceived as fragile? Not in my experience. My partner is one of the strongest individuals I know, having navigated the challenges posed by societal expectations.
Perhaps the answer lies in the outdated norms that dictate beauty standards, which often impose unfair pressures on women compared to their male counterparts. Yet, in a committed relationship, these societal pressures should take a backseat to each other’s feelings.
I could inquire with my partner to gain her perspective, but I’m a bit hesitant—who knows what teasing I might endure?
In Summary:
Navigating the complex dynamics of honesty in relationships, particularly concerning appearance, can be tricky. While men often feel pressured to flatter, women may express their opinions freely. Ultimately, mutual respect and understanding are crucial to maintaining harmony in any partnership.
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