Last night, I settled into a warm bath, ready to unwind with a cold drink and a glossy magazine (don’t judge me too harshly), when I noticed something unexpected clinging to my leg.
“Who are you, quirky rubber figure? A leftover from a fast-food meal? A bizarre version of a collectible?”
I placed the odd toy on the tub’s edge alongside others and spotted something even more amusing: a doll in a pink dress linked arm-in-arm with an old-school action figure. The mismatched duo sat there as if they were part of a comedy skit, and I couldn’t help but smile, thinking about the delightful chaos my daughters bring into my life.
These girls of mine—they’re wonderfully strange and beautifully unique. This moment made me reflect on how their presence has filled our home with art, laughter, and memories that would otherwise be absent. I can’t imagine loving my partner as deeply without witnessing him put tiny clothes on dolls or carrying our sleepy girl from car to bed. Life would be so mundane without the glittery stickers and tiny accessories that seem to find their way into every nook and cranny.
As I watched them play pretend, I wished they could remain in that innocent world forever, where nothing ever melts, and every adventure is just a game. Yet, I felt a rush of inadequacy—how can I prepare them for the unpredictable world beyond their playhouse? I’m no expert on sleep issues, relationships, or navigating friendships, and that thought terrifies me. But I can share what I’ve learned through my own ups and downs—my own blend of mistakes and triumphs.
So, I decided to compile a list for my husband, just in case I were to meet an unfortunate fate, say, from a rogue toy or an accident involving doll accessories. Here’s a collection of thoughts from their slightly quirky, fiercely loving mother:
- Use a baby wipe to remove deodorant stains, a dull razor for sweater fuzz, and a dryer sheet to clean dust off blinds. For everything else, vinegar or beer will do—one for cleaning and one for coping, your choice.
- Expect life to be a mix of colors. Some days will be bright pink, while others may be dull orange or yellow. Just remember, every day has its worth, even if it’s not the sweet kind.
- Your heart will break—it’s inevitable. I wish I could spare you from that pain, but it’s a part of life. Just remember: it’s better to have loved and lost than to not understand the lyrics of a Taylor Swift song.
- Always shake the ketchup before using it, and avoid scary movies before bed.
- Show love whenever you can and don’t be afraid to showcase your legs every now and then.
- You probably won’t have a backstory dramatic enough for reality TV—sorry, not sorry.
- Avoid boys who call you “Lil’ Mama” or greet you with “What’s up?” when you meet.
- Seize opportunities for generosity and never turn down the chance to hold a baby animal—bonus points if you can dress it up!
- Take risks, but be cautious about the paths you choose—some are fraught with danger, like the road less traveled.
- Not everything that sparkles is gold or a good idea for makeup.
- Life is filled with moments that might call for stronger words. Remember, there are no circumstances that justify using derogatory terms.
- Always say “bless you” when someone sneezes and “thank you” when someone holds the door. It’s just common courtesy. And if someone offers you a drink that looks questionable, trust your gut.
- Be wary of situations where someone says “Girl, hold my earrings.”
- Social media is like a movie trailer—showcasing only the highlights, so don’t be fooled by the curated perfection.
- Steer clear of drinks like jungle juice and avoid fraternity basements altogether.
- Never text or drive, but feel free to sing at the top of your lungs while driving.
- Win all the spelling bees you can, but skip the wet T-shirt contests—they’re just not for you.
- May all your clever comebacks come to you right away, not three hours later while you’re in the shower.
- Live freely, but avoid the “camping at Coachella” vibe.
- Everyone has a unique story. Just because it’s different from yours doesn’t make it any less valuable or interesting.
- Know your social security number, your exact bra size, and your immeasurable worth.
- A hand that instinctively protects you during a sudden stop is a hand filled with love.
- Never hesitate to apologize when you’re wrong, but don’t say it just to keep the peace.
- There’s no such thing as running into an ex while looking fabulous, nor can you “stop by Target for just one thing.”
- Always have a nude bra on hand, but skip the nude selfies.
I’ll reiterate, my dear daughters: Never dim your sparkle. Stay unique, stay kind, stay inquisitive, stay funny… and always stay mine.
In summary, this heartfelt message is a collection of quirky yet meaningful advice for my daughters to navigate life with confidence, kindness, and a sense of humor. It emphasizes the importance of embracing their individuality while being aware of the world around them.