When preparing for my child’s first playdate at a new friend’s home, one question is non-negotiable: “Do you have a gun?” Typically, I send this inquiry via email, sometimes in a rushed text. After a couple of paragraphs about the children, their school, or what’s cooking in my kitchen, I awkwardly insert, “Do you have a gun? If so, is it stored in a secure lockbox?”
I didn’t grow up in a household with firearms, but my spouse did; his father was in law enforcement. I’ve witnessed firsthand that not all gun owners practice strict safety measures, which makes me uneasy about the topic. I understand the right to own guns is part of the Constitution, yet it still feels intrusive to ask. So, I often find myself rephrasing the email, trying to strike the right tone.
One of my kids once spent time with the child of a teacher from their school, and I still felt compelled to ask, “Do you have a gun?” I could almost hear the chuckle from the other parent as they crafted their playful reply. Another time, my child went to a playdate at a police officer’s house. I was able to lighten the mood by saying, “I ask this all the time! Hahaha!”
In our home, we don’t have toy guns—except for a remote-controlled zombie robot gifted by their grandmother. When my kids inquire about getting Nerf guns or water blasters, I explain that I prefer not to have any firearms present. I believe that guns are not toys and primarily designed for lethal purposes.
I discuss with my children that while some people use guns to hunt for food or for their jobs, such as police officers or military personnel, I find these circumstances complex. However, I firmly believe that firearms have no place in childhood play. I remind them that we can pretend to be anything—like firefighters or knights—without resorting to weapons. To this, they usually respond, “But no one has ever gone into a school and harmed children with a firefighter’s hose or a sword.” This point effectively concludes our discussion, even for my 7-year-old.
One new friend chuckled when she received my email about gun safety. As a recent immigrant from England, she found it so quintessentially American and somewhat absurd. She mentioned that she had shared my email with friends back home as a way to showcase her adaptation to life in the U.S. A Canadian friend echoed similar sentiments, remarking on the peculiarity of gun culture in America. Yet, they both understood the necessity of the question.
No one has ever hesitated to respond, even gun owners. The notion that children and firearms could coexist is unfathomable to most parents. If someone were to struggle with the question, I’d suggest we meet at a public park instead, where we can keep an eye on our kids. Interestingly, no one has ever inquired about whether we have guns at home or what their children will be doing during their visit. Generally, the activities involve picking wild raspberries, running around, and dodging ticks.
I believe in allowing my children the freedom to explore, even if it means risking a few scrapes or a bee sting. I know I can’t shield them from every potential danger. I could raise other concerns, such as whether there are any sexual predators in their home or if violent television will be on during the playdate. There are many worries we could discuss, but perhaps asking about gun safety serves as a good starting point to address the fragility of our children’s lives.
So, as I prepare for playdates, I’ll say, “I’ll be back in two hours. No allergies—here’s some sunscreen and a loaf of homemade banana bread. But first, do you have any firearms in your home? If so, are they stored securely?” It’s crucial to draw the line somewhere, and for this Mama, that line is clear.
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In summary, the question of firearm presence before playdates is a necessary conversation for parents concerned about safety. It serves as a reminder of the responsibilities we bear in safeguarding our children’s well-being while navigating modern parenting challenges.