If you’ve ever been a child, you’ve likely heard it, and if you’ve ever taken on the role of a parent, you’ve probably repeated it: Honesty is the best policy. Yet, when it comes to navigating conversations with fellow moms about their children, that principle can sometimes go out the window. While we generally maintain transparency regarding significant issues, there are instances when we tell little white lies to protect feelings, boost self-esteem, or even our own comfort.
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Your child behaved well.
When it comes time to pick up your little one from a playdate, the first question on every mom’s mind is, “How did my child act?” If your kid decided to launch a baseball through a window or took a pair of scissors to the family pet, I might let you know. Otherwise, I’ll likely say they were “just fine!” Even if they were a handful, I understand that every child can have an off day, and the last thing I want is for you to feel like a bad parent. -
Your child is precious.
All of us believe our children are gorgeous in their own unique ways, but asking others to agree puts them in a tough position. When you ask, “Isn’t she adorable?” you mean, “Aren’t her features lovely?” In response, I’ll say, “Absolutely!” but what I really think is, “She may resemble Uncle Gary with that unibrow, but she’s still cute in her own way.” So yes, your kid is adorable…just perhaps not in the way you envision. -
Your child is just like the rest.
Every mother has had concerns about her child’s growth at some point. Most of the time, these fears are unfounded, as kids develop at different speeds. When you share your worries about your child not hitting certain milestones, I’ll reassure you that it’s nothing to fret over and that your kid is completely on track. Do I possess a medical degree? Nope. But I’m not going to add to your anxiety. I may suggest visiting a pediatrician for peace of mind, but I’ll follow it up with, “But I really believe it’s nothing.” -
Apologies for the clutter.
Before you arrive, I’ll spend a frantic 20 minutes tidying up—picking up stray socks, ensuring the sink isn’t overflowing, and wiping crumbs off the couch to make my home look presentable. If I apologize for the mess when it’s actually not bad, you might think my home is usually spotless. -
No need to tidy up!
One of my least favorite aspects of hosting a playdate is the post-visit chaos—the toys scattered everywhere, books strewn about, and crumbs on the floor. Yet, I always say, “Oh, don’t worry about picking up!” even though I secretly wish for some help. I suppose I say it because I understand that getting kids to clean up can be challenging, and I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable if your child doesn’t comply. -
Sorry, we can’t make it because…
Is my child unwell? Do I have a prior engagement? Truth is, I’m turning down the invitation for a myriad of reasons: I don’t feel like putting on real pants, my child is acting up, or I just can’t handle other kids right now. However, I craft a more acceptable excuse so you don’t feel rejected (and so I don’t come off as petty). -
My child is doing those things too!
Comparing our kids to their peers is pointless, yet we all find ourselves doing it. So when you mention that your child—who is the same age as mine—is already potty trained or reading, I can’t help but try to keep pace. Sure, “potty trained” could mean I caught him peeing on the floor before I dashed him to the potty chair, and “reading” could just mean he remembers the words to his favorite story. But why get into those specifics? -
You look fantastic!
When you walk through my door looking like you’ve had a rough night—dark circles, tousled hair, and stains of mysterious origin on your shirt—I know you’re feeling self-conscious. Even if you do look like an extra from a zombie movie, I’ll tell you that you look great because I understand what being a mom can do to you, and my agreeing with you about your appearance wouldn’t help at all.
In summary, while we may share trivial falsehoods with our fellow moms, these little fibs stem from good intentions. They serve as a way to protect each other’s self-esteem and foster a supportive community. For more insights about motherhood and home insemination, you can check out this excellent resource on pregnancy or learn about Tylenol safety during pregnancy. If you’re curious about home insemination, visit this link for more information.