When my trendsetting daughter received a $40 gift card to DSW for her 13th birthday, I knew we were in for a discussion. For two years, we had been at odds over the suitability of high heels—she was all for them, while I was firmly against.
Our visit to DSW for some back-to-school sneakers began calmly. She quickly selected a pair of Nikes, while my husband and son wandered toward the cash register, blissfully unaware of what was about to unfold. A quick scan of the store revealed my daughter sprawled on the floor in the clearance section, carefully trying on five-inch slingback cork wedges with thick black straps and shiny gold buckles.
“Don’t say anything!” she grinned, an impish look on her face as she spotted me looming above her. I resisted the urge to help her as she gingerly stood and made her way to the full-length mirror, where the preening commenced.
This wasn’t our first encounter with towering heels. When she was 11, my sister-in-law gifted her a pair of shiny black 6-inch peep-toe stilettos that had captivated her at the time. The joy on my daughter’s face was priceless—like she’d just unwrapped a box full of puppies. My husband shot me a look of disbelief when I admitted I had approved the gift.
“OMG! I love them! I look amazing!” she exclaimed the next day as she clicked across our hardwood floors. “I’m wearing these out tonight!”
“No, you’re not,” we replied in unison.
“Give me three good reasons why not!” she challenged, always the master negotiator. We stumbled over our words, pushing the notion of “inappropriate” and citing the risks of injuries. When that didn’t work, we resorted to terms like “cheap,” “easy,” and “wrong impression,” even mentioning “ladies of the night” in our desperate attempt to make our case.
Honestly, I struggled internally. Did I really want her to leave the house in such extreme footwear? While I didn’t want her in stripper heels, I couldn’t find a solid argument against it. After all, she wasn’t going out naked, it wasn’t illegal, and they were just shoes, right? Eventually, I relented after my husband deferred to my judgment, and she wore them out—twice.
Both outings drew a few puzzled looks, but mostly, she received warm comments from women who admired her confidence and spirit, even when she admitted the shoes were a bit painful—but totally worth it.
Fast forward two years and we were back in that clearance aisle at DSW. My husband asked, “Are you really going to let her buy those?” Caught in a dilemma, I opted to stay silent, and he exited the store.
Later, I explained to him that I said yes because of the look on our daughter’s face as she admired herself in the mirror. She wasn’t just looking at her feet; she was envisioning her future self, full of potential and confidence.
I said yes because for years she has expressed frustration over being too old for little kids’ fun but too young for adult activities. Those cork wedges symbolized hope that she wouldn’t be stuck in limbo forever.
I also said yes because it was her birthday money, and she deserved the right to make her own choices. I will admit that walking through the mall beside my 13-year-old in 5-inch platforms made me a bit self-conscious. I often wondered what other moms thought, if they were judging me for letting her wear such shocking footwear.
However, she understands the shoes’ inappropriateness, yet she takes pride in her individuality. Our lighthearted strolls, with her occasionally reaching for my shoulder for balance, have become priceless moments. The laughter we share as she throws her arm around me only brings us closer together, highlighting the contrast between the outrageousness of it all and its inherent triviality.
In sum, while I still have my reservations about high heels, I recognize the importance of allowing my daughter to express herself and grow into her own person.
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